Super Me

You know that song...the one by Brad Paisley, I think...the ones that says "I'm so much cooler online?" Well, I've been thinking....that might be true for most of us. Me, included. I like to keep it real.

But, what you don't know about me is the fantasy super hero that lives in brain. No, not Adele, the wicked evil step-sister of Estelle (AKA my brain tumor), that makes me go crazy. She lives in my brain, too. I guess it's pretty crowded up in there. No, I'm talking about Super Sher.

You see, in my mind, I am always quick witted, and funny, and always know exactly the right thing to say at the right moment. I never have insanely embarrassing anxiety attacks and start sweating like a pig and stuttering like Porky whenever someone so much as asks me what time it is.

I also can do a whole bunch of really cool ninja moves. And I can beat up bad guys. Sometimes, I have dreams that I'm being chased by bad guys. And I can always save the day by whipping my smooth moves, and using my Jedi ninja mind powers to fight them.

And I can fly. That needs no explanation. Flying is super cool.

And I can control people's thought and actions with my mind. And hear other people's thoughts. And I can do stuff really fast, like the Flash.

And of course, everyone likes me because, well, I'm awesome.

So, how about you? Do you have any imaginary super powers?

Wordless Wednesday

What Dreams May Come...(A synopsis of my weekend)

I've had a whole bunch of stuff I've wanted to say. Every so often, usually in the shower, I get these great ideas about things I want to say on my blog, but of course, I can't bring the computer into the shower with me, so I forget. Even now, I'm trying to remember what it was.....

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I had a dream a few weeks ago. In my dream, I was finally going to go to Italy. The vacation of my dreams. It was day of my departure, and I was at the airport, ready to board my flight, when I realized that I hadn't packed for the trip. I rushed home, packed a few things, ran back to the airport to discover I'd missed my flight. For some reason, in my dream this was the only chance I had to make it to Italy. I was too late.

Two nights ago, I had the same dream. Only this time I was going to Hawaii. I was leaving my husband and children behind. Again, I'd forgotten to pack. And again, I missed my flight.

I awoke with this looming sense that something big is about to happen, and I'm not prepared. And in light of all of my health problems lately, I couldn't help wondering if my time is coming. Or maybe Heavenly Father is just sending me a gentle reminder to shape up.

ps: this is me nearly dead. Thanks Peter for taking the picture.

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I have been overwhelmed with all of the kind words, phone calls, dinners, emails and visits I have received from friends and neighbors who'd heard I was sick. I don't know how everyone knew (except for the fact that the Relief Society are notorious gossipers, and I haven't exactly been hiding it). I just want you all to know I really, truly appreciate it. You know who you are.

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This weekend has been rough. C left me on Friday. Ok, he didn't leave me leave me. He just flew out to California to watch a baseball game. And a college football game. And an NFL football game.

I am a football widow.

Well, I guess when it rains, it pours. I had a test done on Friday, to see whether or not I have cancer. I don't have results yet, but needless to say, considering my recent dreams, I'm a little freaked. In addition, I haven't been feeling so great.

Then, last night, 15 minutes after I'd left my parents' house (because that's what I do, when my husband is out of town), I had the kids in the bath. Peter was climbing out, when she slipped, and hit the back of her head on the tile surrounding the bathtub. When, I heard the loud bang, and the instant scream, I ran into the bathroom (no I wasn't in there, don't judge me), to see blood and hair everywhere. She hit the side of the tub so hard, it actually cut her hair.

I rushed all the kids out to the car and headed to the emergency room. After several frantic phone calls to my mom, dad and C; my parents, bless their hearts, met me at the emergency room. Mom took KJ and TJ home and put them to bed at her house, while my Dad stayed with me and Peter at the hospital. My parents are the most supportive, loving people in the whole world. I love and appreciate them so much!


After waiting for infinity and beyond (almost 4 hours), Peter got 3 staples in her "brain" (as she puts it).

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Then, this morning, I woke up bright and early to lead the ward choir in sacrament meeting. They sang Wilberg's arrangement of "Come Thou Fount," my all time favorite hymn. It was awesome!

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Needless to say, I am exhausted.

Wordless Wednesday

Insomnia

I just need to unload. Right now, I'm not even sure I can find words for my thoughts.
I've been sitting here, staring at a blank screen for 15 minutes.

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of lying awake in my bed, trying to sleep, but can't. I'm tired of being afraid to leave my house because I can't stray too far from the bathroom. I'm tired of not being able to exercise or run because my heart is about to explode. I'm tired of shaking incontrollably, so I can't write or play the piano. I'm tired of going to doctor after doctor who refuses to listen, or doesn't know how to help me and has too big of an ego to admit it and ask someone, or look it up. I'm tired of everyone telling me I look too skinny because I've lost too much weight. I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm pathetic. I'm tired.

I don't want to talk to anyone. My phone has been ringing all day, and I just can't bring myself to answer it. I don't want to do anything. Sometimes I just want to stop existing.
I'm not suicidal. But, honestly, I probably wouldn't mind so much if I were hit by a bus. Or if I was told I had cancer and only had 6 months to live.

We (C and I) joke about me dying all the time. When he gives me a hug, he can feel my heart pounding right out of my chest, and jokes that I'm having a heart attack. He teases that I'm having a seizure, when my body shakes so bad, if feel like my bones are jumping out of my skin. We make a joke out of it because I guess that takes the pressure off. But, in the back of my mind, I'm almost hoping something like the will happen.

Maybe if it did, I could get a doctor to take me seriously. Or maybe just be put out of my misery.

I'm tired.

I'm done.

Wordless Wednesday

Random Sherisms and Random Tunes....

This post will be short. I don't have very many random things going on right now. But, who knows, I might surprise myself....

Actually, I really do have a lot of things I want to write about. But they are all deserving of their own post, so it'll have to wait.

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I am heading off in about 25 minutes off to Park City to party it up with my Mom and sisters. You see, for the past zillion years or so, during Labor Day weekend, the city of Midway hosts Swiss Days--a huge crafty/artsy/home decor expo. It's fun.

You may be surprised that I go to something like this, since I'm the farthest thing there is from crafty or domestic. But, it's a fun excuse to spend time with my sisters, plus the kids get to stay home and spend some quality time with Dad. (Thank you C!!)

I haven't packed or anything. I should probably be doing that instead of this.

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So, today, being the first official Friday at school for TJ, since he's in kindgergarten and didn't go last week, and since Friday is an early-out day hear, and the afternoon kindergarteners go a little early.....whew! (deep breath)....I wasn't sure what time the bus comes.
Well, long story-short, we missed the bus by about 30 minutes. See, my brain tumor told me that school started at 11:50 when really, the morning kids got out at 10:50 (info pulled from the archives of my memory from when KJ was in morning kindergarten), and afternoon started at 11:30. Duh!
So, I had to drive TJ to school. I dropped him off at his class, and while we were heading down the hallway, I reached for his hand. (Note: he usually always holds my hand when we're going somewhere) He immediately pulled away, and whispered, "Mom, you can't hold my hand! That's embarrassing! I'm too big for that!"
Apparently my little boy is all grown up and has to save face at school.
So, then, after I dropped of TJ, I noticed that KJ was at lunch, so Peter and I thought it would be nice to go into the lunchroom to say Hello.
So, we found KJ sitting with her friends, eating, so I walked up to her gave her a hug and said Hi.
She turned her head away, like she didn't know who I was, and breathed, "I'm ignoring you." She refused to acknowledge me after that.

So, what happened to my sweet little children who idolized their mother? I was sure that I had at least until 6th or 7th grade before my very existance irritated my children. Not at 5 and 7!

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Today, I had lunch with my roommates from college. These were the first girls I ever lived with after moving away from home. It's been 12 years since I've seen them. (Thank goodness for facebook!)
It was great to see you Becca and Sonya!
(Sorry, no pictures--yet) Sonya is going to email one to me.

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That's all. Yes, I'm still dying. No, I have no idea what it is. I'm thinking maybe colon or pancreatic cancer. And of course the brain tumor. I'm going to have to name it soon, since it has taken on a personality all it's own. Any suggestions?

Well, gotta go pack. Bye.

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The tunes:

1. We Are the Chamions - Queen
2. Living in America - James Brown
3. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
4. Violent Love - Oingo Boingo
5. Decode - Paramore
6. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
7. Wicked Finale - Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenoweth (Wicked)
8. Another Rainy Day - Corinne Bailey Rae
9. Good People - Jack Johnson
10. Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer

Bonus: I Caught Myself - Paramore!

Wordless Wednesday

First Day of School

Because I need something to distract from recent events.....

KJ--1st day of 2nd grade

TJ--1st day of Kindergarten

Peter's first day of preschool is next week after Labor Day.