Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

Redneck Cast

I took a Sunday nap yesterday. And apparently while I was dead to the world, my little one fell and scraped her arm.
This is how Dr. Dad took care of her.

There ain't nothin' that a little paper towels and duct tape won't fix!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Distance for Davis

I'm really excited to tell everyone about this amazing event...all put together to help one incredible boy.

My neighbor, friend, and visiting teacher's 14-year-old son, Davis Cox, was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia this past March. Since then, his health has rapidly declined, and he has spent countless hours in treatments, and in the hospital. I can't tell the story as well as Gayle or Davis can, so if you want to read their whole story, go here.

Well, in an effort to help, an increasingly large group of neighbors have gathered together to put together something to help out their family. The product of their tireless efforts is this event:
Distance for Davis.

I want to tell everyone about it, because I love the Cox family, and I want to see as many people participating as possible.

What: Distance for Davis fundraiser
When: Friday, Aug 6th - 7:00 pm to 11:00 pm
Saturday, Aug 7th - 8:00 am to 3:00 pm
Where: Davis High School, Kaysville, UT

Some of the activities planned:

*Nitro Circus Movie Screening - Fri Aug 6, 7:00 pm
*Dance for Davis - Fri 8:30-11 pm
*5k Fun Run, Sat 8:00 am, Registration starts at 7:00 am, or register early

*I will also be there playing selections from my album Solitude, plus some of my new songs, as well.

*We also have multiple performers, and live bands and entertainment!

*Utah Blaze Football Camp -- sign your kids up to play with the actual Blaze football players. How cool it that?!

*Silent auction/Raffle for some really awesome stuff!
*Stunt Rider DJ Osborne

There's so much more! Come check out the website for more info, and to sign up for the 5k, the blood drive and the football camp and more!!

If you can't make it, there is a link on the website where you can make a direct donation. Anything you can do is greatly appreciated.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Group Family Therapy and Being One with Nature

Well, I didn't actually go to therapy with my family, per se. But, I did haul a truck load of camping gear, and my husband and children up the canyon. Close enough.

There is something so therapeutic about being in the mountains. I not some new age-y, hippy, tree-hugging fanatic or anything, but being "one with nature" is so....cleansing. Eye opening. Talk about your back-to-basics, reminds-you-of-what's-really-important type of trip.

And, really, all it was, was a family camp out to Bear Lake. For one night. But, I came home feeling renewed and refreshed. And happy.

There's nothing like the healing power of laughter. And no one can make me laugh like my sisters. We're talking deep belly, laugh till you can't breath, and your tummy and your cheeks hurt kind of laughter.

I love my family.

And here's photographic proof that the combination of being with people who love me, and witnessing the beauty of God's creations first hand, are infinitely healing. (I made a little video, feel free to watch it if you have the time).

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Final Rant

I have no words. But I need to rant. One last time. Then, I promise I'll quit complaining. I had high hopes for a change. I left my doctor's office last Tuesday in high spirits. Hopeful that the fact that my blood tests came back lower than ever meant there was an actual, tangible, scientific reason for me feeling so lousy all the time. And hopeful that the fact that my doctor acknowledged this, and prescribed a stronger dose of my medicine would help eliminate that feeling.

Today, I am without hope. I am questioning. Is this to be my life now? Is this what I will suffer with day in and day out for years to come? I can't accept it. I am not my body. But, I am a prisoner of it, just the same. I can't be me inside this body. I haven't gone for a long, lift-my-spirits, therapeutic run in weeks. I don't have the energy. I find myself moping. Doing the bare minimum just to get by. I give myself little tasks, trying to motivate myself. Things like getting the laundry done, vacuuming the family room, weeding the front yard, taking my kids to the pool. These things exhaust me. I discover I have a rapidly growing list of things lift half finished or undone.

Today, I should be cleaning, packing, getting ready to leave for our family camp out tomorrow. Two days ago, I was excited. Normally, I love camping. Today, I dread it. How can I go do things I used to love, when all I want to do is crawl into a cave and hibernate for the eternities?

I look inside my mind and discover morbid thoughts. I discover myself having envy for people with terminal diseases. People with cancer. People who can see an end to their misery, and can therefore look forward to death.

My sickness is not that serious. Nor is it terminal. But it is changing my life. So, as I see it, my life as it were, as it was, is over. And I don't know how to begin again, living as a different me, inside a limited body. I mourn my old self. I mourn the mother I used to be...could have been. I mourn the loss of the children I will never bear. I mourn the loss of my fertility. I mourn the wife I was....and pity my family, my husband, for what they put up with everyday. I mourn the friend I used to be. The sister and daughter I was. I am not that person anymore.

I am living in a fog...and all I can see is me, whithering away into nothing.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Random Sherisms and Random Tunes

I intended to go for a run on Monday morning. But I was so tired from all the partying we'd done on Saturday and Sunday with all of the 4th of July festivities, and I just couldn't bring myself to even set my alarm for 5 am. So, my intention was to go for a solo run while my hubby, who had the day off work, went to the park to play football with his buddies. He plays every Saturday. And he takes the kids to the park with him, and they run around, ride their bikes, and play at the playground, while he plays, and I stay home and relax, or go for a run. Sounds nice, right?

Well, I decided to meet them at the park, brought the stragglers (kids who didn't wake up in time to get dressed and ride with Dad), the bikes, and planned to go for a short run after we got everyone unloaded. But when I got there, I discovered that some of C's friends hadn't shown up to play. They were short a player. And you know what? They let me play. All of these good ole boys let this...girl (for lack of a better work) play football with them.

And let me tell you people, I had the time of my life. It was the best workout I've had in a long time. My thighs were killing me the next day (the good burn), but it was so much fun. So, I begged C to let me come back and play every week. He said, I could, as long as I bring another girl to play with me.

So, who wants to come up to my hood and play some football with me? It's fun! And not as hard as you'd think. It's just touch (no tackling), and such a great workout. Who's with me?


I went back to the doc on Tuesday. For the past month of so, I have been beside myself and out of my head. Once again, I started feeling tired again. This past month it just got worse and worse. The worst it's been since before my radiation treatment. I've been a walking zombie. And so depressed I could hardly function. Not to mention my complete inability to focus on anything besides the tiny little reflective bubble I was trapped inside. (Reflective because all I could see was me). And let's not even begin to discuss the fact that I've gained 9 pounds in the last month. I was going to write a post about belly fat, and how for the first time in my life....I have some. But I decided it might render some heckling, so I decided against it. Shhh...don't tell anyone about that okay?

So...on Tuesday, I went back to the endocrinologist. He looked at my blood results and showed me how my hormone levels had plummeted despite a recent increase in my meds. All I could think of to say was, "...figures." So, I got another increase in dosage. Thank the synthroid gods!

Plus, I've been doing a lot of research about supplementing my lack of thyroid function with foods. Did you know spinach is bad for thyroid? I'm so bummed. I LOVE spinach, and I eat it like almost every day. sigh. You know what's supposedly good for thyroid function? Crap. Like caffeine, coffee, tea, chocolate, etc. I think that's not true, though, because I drink like 7 Cokes a day, and I still feel like crawling in a hole to die.

It was also reaffirmed that because of how extreme my hormone levels are it would be wise for me to indefinitely prevent pregnancy. We've been discussing the possibility over the past few months, and the complications associated with having an autoimmune disease, and I think I'm finally at peace with being done having children.

Here's hoping that the new dosage in my meds helps me to have the energy to care for the kids I've got!


Because I've been so moody and emotional lately, I was in a really foul mood the other night. I couldn't sleep. So, I got up, and start writing down my thoughts. It turned into a song. And I totally love it! It's a very angry song, but it rocks. I'm still working out some parts where I may or may not have put in some expletives. I'll probably take those out and rewrite some parts before it's actually published.


I didn't post this on Friday, because I spent all day recording all of my new songs for a demo. I have no intention of the general public hearing them, unless you want to hear the unmastered clicks, and bumps, heavy breathing in between vocal sets, children stomping, screaming and slamming doors in the background. Yes, when I record at home, I am my own sound engineer.

I recorded a demo for my band to learn guitar/drum/whatever other instruments I can think of part. I'm so excited!

So for my music list, I'm going to list the titles of a few of my new songs, just to peak your interest.

1) Three Days (piano solo)
2) Where I've Been
3) Dreams
4) Did You Think to Pray (piano solo)
5) Weight of the World
6) Generations

.....I need a few more songs to make a full album. So, I need your help. I need ideas for new song topics, suggestions for cover songs/arrangements. Should I fill out the rest with new vocal songs, or should I put in more piano stuff (like me first album)? Input appreciated!

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Hand over the bananas and nobody gets hurt!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Friday, July 2, 2010

Ten Things You Never Wanted to Know about Me

I bet you thought you knew everything there was to know about me, didn't you? I profess that my life is an open book, and for the most part, it is.

But, I have a few quirks, and I'm going to let it all hang out today.

1) When I'm walking in an open space, I have fantasies about being able to do back flips.
I was in tumbling when I was little, and I think I may have done a back handspring once without being spotted, but beyond that, I was never very good at it. Plus, my aging body doesn't move like is used to.

Yes, that's a picture of Mary Lou Retton. I idolized her when I was little. I even had a leotard just like hers. Sorry, there is no photographic proof of this.

2) Sometimes I swear.

This isn't some big secret, but when I use swear words, they don't feel natural. And every time I do, I am wracked with guilt. Swear words feel dirty in my mouth. I don't like how I feel when I swear. Plus, I'm convinced that the only reason people swear is for lack of thinking of a better words. So, swearing=stupid. I think I'll stop now.

3) I don't wear my seat belt.

Like hardly ever. Unless my kids remind me, or I'm in someone else's car. I guess it's just my way of being rebellious. I even did the voodoo magic thing to turn off the alarm in my car that reminds you to put on your seat belt. Don't believe me that it's voodoo? Well, check your user's manual. It entails honking the horn 3 times, tapping the break 17 times, turn the ignition on and off 29 times, and buckling and unbuckling your seat belt 32 times. (I am not exaggerating!)

side note: why is it a law for people to wear seat belts in a car, but not for people to wear helmets on a motorcycle? (at least in Utah) Doesn't that seem backwards?

4) Sometimes I facebook on the toilet.

I know you didn't want to know that. But, hey, I have chronic tummy issues. Sometimes, it's pertinent to multitask.

5) I'm pretty sure I'm clairvoyant.
I have some seriously crazy realistic dreams. And a lot of them have come true. When I was 6, my little brother was born. And for years after, I had this horrible recurring dream that something terrible was going to happen to him. Then, when he was four, he had an accident, ruptured his spleen and almost died. The dreams stopped after the accident. I'm telling you, I have the gift. (insert creepy music here)

6) I'm a terrible gift giver.
I have the hardest time thinking of things to give as gifts. What's worse, is that my husband is an awesome gift giver. He is really good and paying attention, and quietly remembering something I said 8 months ago, then getting it for me for my birthday. I feel like it makes me look shallow when I get him dumb stuff.

7) I also fantasize about being a really awesome bad-A ninja super spy.

Come on, who doesn't fantasize about that? Wouldn't it be so cool to be able to beat up the bad guys and look totally hot in a cat woman suit at the same time? Or it is just me?

Ok, after googling "bad A ninja super spy" looking for pictures for this post, I no longer have this fantasy. Apparently, being a ninja super spy is something similar to a porn star. (this is the most G rated picture I could find. I couldn't even find a picture of Bruce Lee with a shirt on.)

But, I think I might start taking martial arts classes anyway, just in case.

8) Sometimes I make chocolate and hide it from my kids.

Specifically, chocolate frosting to dip graham crackers and fruit in. And sometimes no-bake cookies. I can usually eat the whole batch in one sitting.
I don't like to share my chocolate. I have noticed though, that with my recent change in health, I can't eat as much chocolate as I used to. This really makes me sad.

9) I pick my nose when I drive.

But never at a stop light, and never within a one mile radius of where I live, in case one of my neighbors sees me.

Don't worry, I keep a stock of tissues in my car and purse at all times.

10) I drext.

I seriously thought I could break myself of the habit when my phone died an untimely and horribly death last week, and I had to wait for 5 days before I could get my new one. But, I'm back on the sauce, so to speak. For some reason, as soon as I got on the freeway on ramp, I feel my phone calling me (no pun intended). I'm totally addicted to my crackberry. It's like a drug. Drexting is my own personal brand of heroine. (Gah, I did NOT just quote Twilight)

(I'm now bracing myself for backlash on all of the horrible driving habits I have)