Friday, July 2, 2010

Ten Things You Never Wanted to Know about Me

I bet you thought you knew everything there was to know about me, didn't you? I profess that my life is an open book, and for the most part, it is.

But, I have a few quirks, and I'm going to let it all hang out today.

1) When I'm walking in an open space, I have fantasies about being able to do back flips.
I was in tumbling when I was little, and I think I may have done a back handspring once without being spotted, but beyond that, I was never very good at it. Plus, my aging body doesn't move like is used to.

Yes, that's a picture of Mary Lou Retton. I idolized her when I was little. I even had a leotard just like hers. Sorry, there is no photographic proof of this.

2) Sometimes I swear.

This isn't some big secret, but when I use swear words, they don't feel natural. And every time I do, I am wracked with guilt. Swear words feel dirty in my mouth. I don't like how I feel when I swear. Plus, I'm convinced that the only reason people swear is for lack of thinking of a better words. So, swearing=stupid. I think I'll stop now.

3) I don't wear my seat belt.

Like hardly ever. Unless my kids remind me, or I'm in someone else's car. I guess it's just my way of being rebellious. I even did the voodoo magic thing to turn off the alarm in my car that reminds you to put on your seat belt. Don't believe me that it's voodoo? Well, check your user's manual. It entails honking the horn 3 times, tapping the break 17 times, turn the ignition on and off 29 times, and buckling and unbuckling your seat belt 32 times. (I am not exaggerating!)

side note: why is it a law for people to wear seat belts in a car, but not for people to wear helmets on a motorcycle? (at least in Utah) Doesn't that seem backwards?

4) Sometimes I facebook on the toilet.

I know you didn't want to know that. But, hey, I have chronic tummy issues. Sometimes, it's pertinent to multitask.

5) I'm pretty sure I'm clairvoyant.
I have some seriously crazy realistic dreams. And a lot of them have come true. When I was 6, my little brother was born. And for years after, I had this horrible recurring dream that something terrible was going to happen to him. Then, when he was four, he had an accident, ruptured his spleen and almost died. The dreams stopped after the accident. I'm telling you, I have the gift. (insert creepy music here)

6) I'm a terrible gift giver.
I have the hardest time thinking of things to give as gifts. What's worse, is that my husband is an awesome gift giver. He is really good and paying attention, and quietly remembering something I said 8 months ago, then getting it for me for my birthday. I feel like it makes me look shallow when I get him dumb stuff.

7) I also fantasize about being a really awesome bad-A ninja super spy.

Come on, who doesn't fantasize about that? Wouldn't it be so cool to be able to beat up the bad guys and look totally hot in a cat woman suit at the same time? Or it is just me?

Ok, after googling "bad A ninja super spy" looking for pictures for this post, I no longer have this fantasy. Apparently, being a ninja super spy is something similar to a porn star. (this is the most G rated picture I could find. I couldn't even find a picture of Bruce Lee with a shirt on.)

But, I think I might start taking martial arts classes anyway, just in case.

8) Sometimes I make chocolate and hide it from my kids.

Specifically, chocolate frosting to dip graham crackers and fruit in. And sometimes no-bake cookies. I can usually eat the whole batch in one sitting.
I don't like to share my chocolate. I have noticed though, that with my recent change in health, I can't eat as much chocolate as I used to. This really makes me sad.

9) I pick my nose when I drive.

But never at a stop light, and never within a one mile radius of where I live, in case one of my neighbors sees me.

Don't worry, I keep a stock of tissues in my car and purse at all times.

10) I drext.

I seriously thought I could break myself of the habit when my phone died an untimely and horribly death last week, and I had to wait for 5 days before I could get my new one. But, I'm back on the sauce, so to speak. For some reason, as soon as I got on the freeway on ramp, I feel my phone calling me (no pun intended). I'm totally addicted to my crackberry. It's like a drug. Drexting is my own personal brand of heroine. (Gah, I did NOT just quote Twilight)

(I'm now bracing myself for backlash on all of the horrible driving habits I have)


CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Oh my heck!

First of all, I love the pictures you used-well all of them except two. (You'll have to guess which ones)

Second, this was a great idea for a blog post! Uh, I might give this a try one day, but geez if I do, I might not have any readers left!

Thanks for posting this on FB so I could see this!

I'm just saying!

Kristina P. said...

You know I love you, but don't ever let me get in a car with you, you crazy person!!

I admit I sometimes pick my nose while I'm driving too.

We need to get together soon!

Braden said...

Well, you just never know about people, do you?

I"m glad the dreams have stopped--but please be careful while you are driving!!!

Missy said...

We had to have been seperated at birth! LOL This is an awesome post!

val of the south said...

The ONE time I didn't wear my seatbelt (trying to be cool and rebellious) I got a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt!! That was the end of that rebellion.

Can you imagine the fine for no seatbelt and drexting? Just sayin'

Jessica said...

I'm so happy you've shared the secret to turning off the annoying seat belt nagger in the car! Like really, I don't need my seat belt if I'm going up the street!! You were being serious about that right?

I sometimes drext too and I always feel guilty about it. I guess I can't join Oprah's club.

Melanie J said...

No drexting!

I was a big Mary Lou fan too. And check this out: we just moved into a new stake and we showed up for our first Sunday last week in the new ward and the visiting counselor from the stake presidency? Was Peter Vidmar. I shook his hand. I loved the '84 gymnastics team.

Annette Lyon said...

I'm with ya on #6--married to a great gifter but am a total lame gifter myself. Sucks.

veronica said...

That's quite a list, but I'm pretty sure that we can still be friends. Oh, and if we go somewhere I'M driving and you can text all you'd like.

wendy said...

Those were 10 things indeed that I did not know about you.
I was not surprised that once you were in gymnastics...I can see that in you.
Clarivoyant---go in a room, light a candle, sit in the lotus position and see what you can tell me about myself that might be helpful........Puleeeze
I always wear my seat belt since I went flying through the windsheild of a car when 17 from a head on collision....just sayint, wear your seatbelt.
I am sooooo glad to know you and Kristina pick your nose (tee,hee)

Mikki said...

I don't make chocolate and hide it, but I do hide snacks and treats. I'm the worst about satisfying my inner cravings and not sharing with my family. I'm SO stingy. #9--me too. I read on the toilet, I've never taken the computer in there. My luck, I'd probably drop it in. Oh and the swearing. I'm so ashamed of myself, but I suffer from it too.

Garden of Egan said...

OK Sheri.......I refuse to behave like your mother....even though I'm old enough to be her.
#1 Do not text while driving AND wear your seatbelt! Most important for future ninja porn stars to know OK? OK.
The biggest reason for this is that someday.......
(That alone should scare the living daylights outta ya!)

I understand the chocolate thing.
Not sure about the nosepicking thing....especially since Kristina wants to pick together!

About the swearing thing........ya, I do it to, but I don't get racked with guilt. Oops.
I guess I need to change my ways and start feeling guilty.
(it's only the dang and heck word though)

Loved getting to know those fun 10 things about you!

Now buckle up!

annie valentine said...

I think I knew all this about you somewhere in my subconscious. And I love you anyway.