I need to blog about this. I need to talk about it. I need your support and input. And maybe putting this out there will give me the tools to do what I need to do. Maybe, we'll see.
Last Friday, I called my gyno and made an appointment to get my IUD put back in. I've decided I'm at peace with being done having babies. My baby will be 5 in June, and I've been instructed by my endocrinologist to avoid pregnancy for at least a year, maybe more (because of the Grave's disease and radioactive stuff in my body). I've been on BC since September. Last time I refilled it was $45. Ouch. So, I decided it was time. I made the appointment for a couple days after we get back from our trips (didn't I tell you? Don't worry about it, it's not important right now.)
That very same afternoon, as I was driving my kids home from school or whatever, they all started randomly talking about getting another brother or sister. KJ & Peter really want a baby sister. TJ said he needs a brother to play with him. Then, KJ agreed, saying that maybe if TJ had a brother to play with, he would stop teasing her.
And my heart was wracked. My first impulse was to wonder if the kids talking about another baby is a sign, that maybe I shouldn't be preventing pregnancy. But, C and I have talked about it at length, and we both feel it is right for us to stop having babies.
Since that day, I can't stop thinking about it. I've had dreams. Then, a few days ago, the thought suddenly popped into my head, "You need to adopt an orphan from Haiti."
What a strange idea, I thought. This is something that I never would have considered or even thought about, but there it was. Out of the blue. And it's all I could think about, for days. But, I didn't think it was really realistic. I didn't think C would ever go for it, for real.
Then, last night, amidst dinner, kids, and getting ready to leave for book club, I jokingly said to C, "Hey, we should adopt a Haiti baby." Nothing more was said on the subject.
Then, this afternoon, I got a call from C. He usually calls me a couple of times from work during the day. We talked about his day at work, we talked about my day with the kids, we talked about dinner, and what time he would be home. Then suddenly, he asked, "Were you joking about adopting a baby from Haiti? Because on my way to work today, I was listening to the radio, and the thought popped into my head that maybe we should."
Immediately, I was overcome with emotion. And for the first time, I realized the very real possibility that these ideas about adopting a baby from Haiti are promptings from the Spirit.
If I'm feeling it, and C is feeling it, then it must be right, and what we're supposed to do. I don't get clear-as-day, can't-possibly-deny promptings like that very often.
We agreed we'd pray together about it when he gets home from work, tonight.
Thing is, if this is really what we are supposed to do, then all this waiting and wondering why we weren't supposed to have more babies after Peter, makes perfect sense.
I have no idea how to go about doing this. No idea, who to talk to, where to go, who to call. None, whatsoever. It's scary. It's daunting. I will be bringing another child into our home, our family. It will be hard. Really, really hard. And expensive.
I don't know what to do next.
All I know is how I feel, and I just needed to talk about it.