My Special Friend

I remember the days of old

Younger smiles and longer days

Until everything turned so bitter cold,

When I was shadowed from the Sun's rays.

Each day became a frightening night

with each word of bitter hate.

When darkness smothered all the light

I had to escape before it's too late.

My only hope was a simple thought

The memory of a former life

Remember something I'd been taught

to help me through my pain and strife.

I have a Special Friend

Who's line is always free

He's there for me, through to the end

He said He'll always love me.

That thought alone pulls me through

Knowing that I'm never alone

Always at my side, always true

He'll hold my hand, and lead me home.

written August 1995

Sunrise

Here we go again--

tearing at each other like untamed beats.

somewhere, in the jungle,

too blind with anger to see the end,

strong arms of this everlasting pain.

It's time to make a change.

Break the ice and melt it all away.

find our way back home.

we've made promises we couldn't keep,

but it's not too late, love will lead the way.

time can only tell which way our sun will turn.

One day it may rise on some new horizon,

The Eastern sky will take it's turn

to feel the pain of lonely darkness.

And the color and the light of the rising sun

will warm our hearts in another sky.

When that day comes, we'll find the way--

the way to escape form the black jungle.

Onto green, ripe pastures,

flowers and sunshine in some other dimension.

Our own world with peace and love

I promise to make you happy

and our new sun will smile upon us

the morning of our love's rebirth.

written May 1995

Stake Conference

Retired early to my bed

Long message in my head

Wake up early, be not weary,

Invigorate my soul, instead.

A tender moment in my youth

Learning to live with manner and cooth.

The hardest years of adolescence,

Trying to find the hidden truth.

Sons and daughters of the fold,

Brothers and Sisters, true and bold

With love in heart and faith in hand

These gentle people shall not grow old.

Find the keys to my solution

Clear my mind of world's pollution

I'm searching for the final answer,

The one to give my restitution.

Evil spreads through foreign lands

Have no fear, the Lord commands.

Trust in Me and keep the faith

and against the vile you will stand.

Written January 1995

Do I Really Need a Nanny?

Technically, and practically, Yes, yes, I do. 

And I found one that would give me a two week trial period for FREE!!

(wouldn't it be awesome if that were really true?)  I don't have a real free Nanny.  Just one for my computer.

I downloaded a free trial for Net Nanny after a very informative combined Relief Society/Priesthood lesson about protecting our children from the dangers for pornography.  One thing the bishop said that struck a chord with me was that it's not IF our children will be exposed to porn, it's WHEN. 

Is it just me or is that prospect completely terrifying?

 I feel like I already have my hands full with my one and only boy who apparently was born naughty, despite all of my attempts at decent mothering.  I got a call from his teacher this week.  He must've have been REALLY naughty for me to get a call.  I'm mortified.

 You know what he did?  Where do I begin?  He made fart noises in class (this I can only attribute to the example of the boy's father), he talked into some voice machine that makes a light turn on  (I'm not sure about this one except that I was told doing that is against the rules), he threw his milk carton in the lunch room, and he spit on a girl.  ALL IN THE SAME DAY.

This, in addition, to him getting in a fight last week at recess and giving some kid a bloody nose.  T says the other kid was picking on him, and he was fighting back, but still. 
Am I that horrible of a mother?  My kid is the naughtiest kid in his class.  What do I do with that?
Well, so far, he's grounded for life--from friends, TV, and all things fun, he's also grounded from school lunch.  He has to bring lunch from home, and he doesn't get to drink milk til he figures out what he's supposed to do with his garbage.  I've decided he needs every millisecond of his day scheduled out for him so he doesn't have a chance to think about being naughty.

Anyway, I digress.  So, I downloaded Net nanny for our internet to help protect my already naughty children from far worse than fights at recess and throwing their garbage on the floor.   I don't need them to have garbage in their heads, too.

Net Nanny is a program that blocks access to certain websites, including pornographic ones.  I can set the settings for each individual in the family.  I put my kids on the highest one, and mine on the lowest.  Here's the thing.  It also blocks websites it deems to be inappropriate.  For instance, B's kindergarten teacher passed away this week.  I tried to go to Deseret news to view her obituary.  It was blocked.  Apparently news sites are blocked.  So is facebook.  All social media sites are blocked.  I have to disable it to log in.  And your blogs?
Well, I tried to visit a few of you today, (Kristina and Annie ) and was blocked for the site containing mature content.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with talking about being topless under a snuggie, or nursing, or anything like that.

Yep.  So, if you don't see me around much anymore in blogland, maybe that's why.

Or maybe it's because I have 20 piano students, and a messy house, and three naughty children, and I'm still trying figure out how to manage it all.

Gone On Vacation

I can hear that old piano

and the voice rings in my ears

I close my eyes and rest

it's not very comfortable

but it will do

That big machine and going East

I hear the rumble and whir of the road

Feel the heat of the night

Not too happy

Cried too much, in fact

But that part is over.

But something still lives on

inside us.

Gone swimming

don't want to get wet.

Think of yesterday

and think of tomorrow.

What will it bring to me?

Leave him away

and make me smile a few tears.

Go on and make your show

and let me have my balloon

to watch for tomorrow

Will will part and Goodbye

take you away

and the letter you wrote that June

Good Bye.

written November 1994

In Quest for Peace

A curious breeze,

creeping through a looming clump

of evergreen pine and everchanging aspen,

whistles a merry tune of wonder

as it seeks ins non-existent destination.

Life is a circle of searching and longing

for a final place to sit and rest

and converse with the dew and mosses,

which reside peacefully

upon their rocks and flowers.

This breeze longs to soar into the skies,

bluer and clearer than anything

known to the mortal eye;

to lie on the clouds and sleep,

dreaming of angelic choirs

who sing an eternity of praising hymns.

The worlds is like unto this breeze

We search infinitely for what we need most:

Peace

The gift we would use to create

a final statement of celestial existence.

But forever we are seeking

for our non-existent destination.

written January 1994