Thursday, April 16, 2009

Epiphanes While Running

There is something about running that just clears the mind. I don't know if it's the endorphins or the adrenalin, or the brisk morning air, or watching the sunrise, good conversation with good friends, but whatever it is, I always get thinking while I'm running
I don't consider myself to be particularly intellectual. I not exactly stupid, by any means, although some people who know me might beg to differ. I don't usually get too involved in political or international topics. I pretty much live in my bubble, minding my own business, just moving along through life.
But, while I'm running, sometimes my eyes are opened (or my mind), and I see things a little more clearly. I have been known during a conversation while running to actual develop and produce an original thought or two. I'm not sure if that's from the running itself, or because I'm actually having a conversation with an intelligent person who doesn't go to preschool.

So, today, I got up to do my usual Thursday morning 9 miler with my running group. Somehow we started on the topic of our spouses. I think someone asked me if C runs, to which I answered that I've tried to get him into it for years, but it's just not his thing. Don't get me wrong, he's in great shape. He has this killer metabolism that didn't seem to slow down at all, even now that he's in his mid-thirties. To be honest, it kind of pisses me off a little bit, because he eats so much deep fried, clog-your-arteries type food, and doesn't gain anything. In fact, C exercises to maintain his weight, because if he doesn't he will lose. It's very, very infuriating to someone who works her butt off only to keep gaining anyway.
Well, we got talking about diet and I told the group about how C jokes that he's rather eat whatever he wants and die happy at 50, then eat "healthy" and dying starving at 80. So, we got on the topic of if a spouse dies young, would you remarry? Would you not? C and I have this ongoing joke that if he were ever to die, then I could just use the life insurance to buy some new boobs, then I could get me a new husband. (Okay, it's a joke, but putting it all out in writing does seem a little degrading).
So, that's when it hit me. It's not anything new, really. Just a thought that's been re-newed, so to speak. I thought out loud that it just doesn't get any better than this. I am married to the man of my dreams. I consider myself to be a really lucky girl. C is a incredibly good man, who works really hard, who loves his family, and loves me, and makes me happy. So, I really don't want him to die, because I really, really don't want to be married to anyone else.
That's epiphany number one.

Number two came several miles later, while a few people in our group were crossing the road at a busy intersection. There were four of us together at this point (usually people break off--running slower, shorter, or whatever). Two were a little further ahead of me and one guy, Kirby. We came to the intersection. The light was green. The crosswalk had the little green dude pictured in the motion of walking. So we proceeded to cross.
Suddenly, a white truck came out of nowhere, turning left from the opposite side, into the intersection. He showed no signs of any intention to stop. Just then, Kirby and I did the stupidest possible thing we could have done at that moment. Logically speaking, you would say run faster, get out of the guy's way, as fast as possible. Right? But, no, we panicked, and stopped. I supposed in my mind I was thinking I was stopping to let him by (so much for clearer thinking). But, no, he was on his way to plow straight through both of us.
At that moment, I exclaimed what were to be my last words in this life, "Oh Sh%$!" Yeah, that's right. I swear when I'm afraid for my life. Sue me.
Just then, the truck, whose windows were completely fogged/frosted over slammed on his breaks. He stopped within a foot of where we stood. Had he not seen us at the last minute, he would have charged right over us. It's one of those moment you hear about that everything seems to be happening is slow motion, but really only milliseconds have passed. In a matter of seconds, I realized I could have just died. Right there, in the middle of the street. On a Thursday. With a husband and three little kids at home waiting for me.
It made me realize first, that I need practice thinking more clearly, and more logically while out on the road, and not to trust that cars will see me, or move over for me on the road. I also realized how fragile life really is. That we live this life one moment at a time, and the next moment it could all be taken away.
And that's when the second epiphany hit me. If I had died today, my last words would've been, "Oh Sh%@!" Not exactly prophetic or enlightening, or even eloquent. And I thought, I got a second chance at life today. I can't let an expletive be my dying utterance.

So, today, I will tell my husband how much I love him, and I will stop swearing.



SO said...

That is really scary!! I'm so glad you weren't run over. I swear when I'm scared too. I need to work on that.

tammy said...

I've had a moment like that, where I could've easily been killed.

Good goals to not swear and to appreciate your hubby more. I need to do both of those, and I could include not yell at my 12 yr old so much too.

veronica said...

I have that same problem. I've often wondered what it would be like to finish my expletive whilst standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter: "Pardon me?"
Me: "Ummm nothing."

Boy, I gotta work on that habit!

Erin said...

Maybe I need to start running so I can have epiphanies like that.

My husband and I have talked extensively about whether we would remarry if one of us died. Now, first of all, I am totally with you. I am completely in love with my husband and I would be devastated if something happened to him. But we have a family member whose spouse died when she was 44, and she says she will die alone. She will never even consider marrying again. And I think that's just sad. Her dead husband does not want her to be miserable for the rest of her life. (He died 3 1/2 years ago, and she is still miserable.) I know I probably sound judgmental. And I understand that she needs time to mourn, but it just makes me sad for her.

Sorry, I didn't mean to write my whole life story here, I guess I just needed to get it off of my chest!

Sarah said...

Two very worthy goals, both of which I should work on too!

2busy said...

I would have sworn, too. I'm not prone to swearing frequently, but something snaps under dire stress. Who knows...(you aren't alone in that one).

As for remarrying, I might if the right situation presented itself. I love my husband, but I would want to live alone. I wouldn't actively pursue dating. That is just seems so scary these days! Almost as scary as getting hit by a truck.

Peggy said...

Good ones.

wonder woman said...

First of all, I got a good chuckle out of you realizing what your dying utterance could have been.

Secondly, as one who's husband thinks he's going to die young, I've given far too much thought to remarrying. My fear is that no worthy man would want to marry me, knowing he couldn't be sealed to me.

And now we're moving on. I'm gonna spend some more time with my kids today. Thanks, Sherrie baby.

wendy said...

Yikes SHER --what if you HAD died and your husband was now a widower like in your first epiphany --WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO WITH A NEW SET OF BOOBS??? And S..#)%^(&^. as an explitive. so, are you saying that's a BAD word. who knew.
please be more careful.

Andrea said...

I think if you died swearing, you would be forgiven.

AS Amber said...

Ummm...pretty sure I stand a very good chance of having *that* be my dying utterance regardless of how I go out. I probably say that phrase fifty times a day. I don't even think I'm kidding.

However, I've got a bazillion things I need to work on before I work on my shi....crappy talk.

Girlfriend!!! BE CAREFUL!!! Sh...eesh!

Jessica said...

I'm glad you're alright! It's funny that you were thinking about those things today because I had a similar thought today at work.

Melissa said...

Love this post today Sher! Again, another reason for running. There really is something that happens with your mind. And I love epiphany's. You had some great ones, but since I am a fellow swearer, can you bend the rules sometimes just for fun??

AP said...

i agree running does something to you, so addicting!
glad you are ok. amkes you realize how each moment with our family is sooo important!!
welcome to SITS

DeNae said...

I think those were, in fact, Isaiah's last words. Considering how sucky his life was, they were probably his first words, every day. Something along the lines of, "Oh, sh**. I'm still alive. Hafta go back to work with those lame Israelites."

I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm glad you weren't run over by a truck today. Let that be a lesson to you. Trucks almost never run red lights in my bedroom.

kimmiekat said...

I'm glad you are okay. That is so scary.
It is sooo easy to get caught up when you are running. I always wonder if I would panic and freeze or react if something were to happen to me.
I imagine I'd be like the little kid in ET.

Rachel said...

Oh, my.
1. My husband has the same metablolism and life philosophy, which I hate, considering that his father had a major heart attack at 55, and high cholestoral (sp?) and diabetes run in his family. I would like my husband to meet his grandkids, thank you very much.

2. So scary! It's kind of silly, but I know why you stopped. It doesn't make any sense, but I was in a similar situation and totally did the same thing. It's just panic or something!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Sounds like sturdy goals. And I'm so glad you lived. :) I personally would have died while running, long before the truck arrived.

sandy said...

Welcome to SITS!

Missy said...

Glad you are ok! Did you say nine miles? OMG! I could not run nine feet at this moment! I am in awe of you!

Famous Amos said...

This post made me smile, ecspecially the amen at the end. Be more careful while you're running and good luck with your goals!

Natalie said...

What would C and your kids do without you? Glad you are safe.

Lisa Loo said...

First of all--Wendy is killing me with the whole--what would C do with boobs---KILLING ME!! AND then DeNae and Isaiah---KILLING ME!!

I am so glad you are alright and glad that running does such good things for you. But the whole bouncing up and down while I jog would #1--cause me to need surgery to put my boobs back in place and #2-cause my brain to tear free from my spinal chord. Hopefully the Lord can see fit (ha punny) to give me revelation in other ways. Aaak!

Anonymous said...

Dang Sher! That sounds scary!!!! i am glad you are OK!

Jo said...

What an awesome story, I know it was scary for you, but really an eyeopener, at least for me. I would hope my last words will be words of love and gratitude. Guess I better work on it.

tiburon said...

I would still continue to swear.

Clearly it saved your life.

Mina said...

well, I personally believe that the Lord would give a little leeway to profane last utterances if they occured just before the truck hit! I'm so glad you're safe!

My husband also only puts on weight when he exercises. And he hasn't been blessed with a sweet tooth. Life is not overly fair. But I adore my man, too. We're lucky girls, aren't we?