There is something about running that just clears the mind. I don't know if it's the endorphins or the adrenalin, or the brisk morning air, or watching the sunrise, good conversation with good friends, but whatever it is, I always get thinking while I'm running
I don't consider myself to be particularly intellectual. I not exactly stupid, by any means, although some people who know me might beg to differ. I don't usually get too involved in political or international topics. I pretty much live in my bubble, minding my own business, just moving along through life.
But, while I'm running, sometimes my eyes are opened (or my mind), and I see things a little more clearly. I have been known during a conversation while running to actual develop and produce an original thought or two. I'm not sure if that's from the running itself, or because I'm actually having a conversation with an intelligent person who doesn't go to preschool.
So, today, I got up to do my usual Thursday morning 9 miler with my running group. Somehow we started on the topic of our spouses. I think someone asked me if C runs, to which I answered that I've tried to get him into it for years, but it's just not his thing. Don't get me wrong, he's in great shape. He has this killer metabolism that didn't seem to slow down at all, even now that he's in his mid-thirties. To be honest, it kind of pisses me off a little bit, because he eats so much deep fried, clog-your-arteries type food, and doesn't gain anything. In fact, C exercises to maintain his weight, because if he doesn't he will lose. It's very, very infuriating to someone who works her butt off only to keep gaining anyway.
Well, we got talking about diet and I told the group about how C jokes that he's rather eat whatever he wants and die happy at 50, then eat "healthy" and dying starving at 80. So, we got on the topic of if a spouse dies young, would you remarry? Would you not? C and I have this ongoing joke that if he were ever to die, then I could just use the life insurance to buy some new boobs, then I could get me a new husband. (Okay, it's a joke, but putting it all out in writing does seem a little degrading).
So, that's when it hit me. It's not anything new, really. Just a thought that's been re-newed, so to speak. I thought out loud that it just doesn't get any better than this. I am married to the man of my dreams. I consider myself to be a really lucky girl. C is a incredibly good man, who works really hard, who loves his family, and loves me, and makes me happy. So, I really don't want him to die, because I really, really don't want to be married to anyone else.
That's epiphany number one.
Number two came several miles later, while a few people in our group were crossing the road at a busy intersection. There were four of us together at this point (usually people break off--running slower, shorter, or whatever). Two were a little further ahead of me and one guy, Kirby. We came to the intersection. The light was green. The crosswalk had the little green dude pictured in the motion of walking. So we proceeded to cross.
Suddenly, a white truck came out of nowhere, turning left from the opposite side, into the intersection. He showed no signs of any intention to stop. Just then, Kirby and I did the stupidest possible thing we could have done at that moment. Logically speaking, you would say run faster, get out of the guy's way, as fast as possible. Right? But, no, we panicked, and stopped. I supposed in my mind I was thinking I was stopping to let him by (so much for clearer thinking). But, no, he was on his way to plow straight through both of us.
At that moment, I exclaimed what were to be my last words in this life, "Oh Sh%$!" Yeah, that's right. I swear when I'm afraid for my life. Sue me.
Just then, the truck, whose windows were completely fogged/frosted over slammed on his breaks. He stopped within a foot of where we stood. Had he not seen us at the last minute, he would have charged right over us. It's one of those moment you hear about that everything seems to be happening is slow motion, but really only milliseconds have passed. In a matter of seconds, I realized I could have just died. Right there, in the middle of the street. On a Thursday. With a husband and three little kids at home waiting for me.
It made me realize first, that I need practice thinking more clearly, and more logically while out on the road, and not to trust that cars will see me, or move over for me on the road. I also realized how fragile life really is. That we live this life one moment at a time, and the next moment it could all be taken away.
And that's when the second epiphany hit me. If I had died today, my last words would've been, "Oh Sh%@!" Not exactly prophetic or enlightening, or even eloquent. And I thought, I got a second chance at life today. I can't let an expletive be my dying utterance.
So, today, I will tell my husband how much I love him, and I will stop swearing.