Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Whining, Complaining, Throwing Tantrums....part 15,897

Don't worry, it's just another session of filing complaints with the universe.  Just needing to get some things out.

I'm sad.

Maybe it's because it seems like everyone I know either has a baby, just had a baby, is having a baby, or at least still has a fertile womb in which they could possibly have a baby.  Life isn't fair.  Why am I so baby hungry?  Why can't I just accept my fate that I am no longer capable of carrying children, and be happy with the three beautiful, healthy children that I have?

The irony is that at the same time I am feeling like a ginormous failure as a mother.  K is struggling with friends.  T is struggling with friends.  Both have been dealing with different types of bullying, and I'm at a complete loss.  Someday...okay, mostdays.....I wish I could be a fly on the wall at their school, and just watch, so I know what's really going on.   And I actually feel guilty for not being popular or cool enough as an adult, so that my kids can have friends.  And for not being intuitive enough to know how to help them.   What do I do? 

B, who was so excited to go to Kindergarten, refuses to have anything to do with anything that has to do with school work.  Forget writing her name, or actually do her homework, which entails writing a single letter three times.  Yesterday was the letter A.  She threw herself on the ground, kicking and screaming.  It was an all out brawl.  She was crying, I was crying.
Then, C came home, being the only sane parent in this family, and within 5 minutes he had B holding a crayon, and writing the letter A.  Maybe I should go to work, and he should be the at home parent.

And I'm feeling lonely.  It's stupid.  It's that busy time of year...well, one of them.  And I feel like all of my friends have dropped off the face of the planet.  Or maybe, I did.  I haven't even seen my Mom since mid-August. 

I could really use an evening of girl talk, chocolate and senseless fits of laughter.

And maybe a nap.

12 comments:

Kristina P. said...

We need to get together! It's been far too long. :(

original gene pool said...

Sherrie, it's only normal to feel this way, and believe me,your "thyroid" doesn't help. I was 31 when they "fixed" my thyroid and by then I thought about having another baby.Well my husband and I were blessed with two beautiful girls,now I see why things turn out the way they did. You are a wonderful,beautiful mommy and they will always know that.Don't take my word for it, take that of my 2 grown daughters.
Keep up the good work that God put mommies here to do....
God Bless You and yours <3

Anonymous said...

I was checking to make sure I didn't write this, but then I remembered that I don't have a blog. Some days are harder than others. From the comments, it does seem like you have some friends so you are one up on me. Good luck with the homework thing. My son was and still is super excited about K, but getting him to do his homework is a nightmare. He really misses all of his free play time. Good Luck and trust that it will all turn out okay.

Cynedra

Mikki said...

A girls night out sounds like the perfect medicine. I hope it happens soon for you. Wish I could join in too.
I have many of those days when I think my hubby would be the better stay at home parent. Hang in there!

Lara said...

I really relate well to this post, Sher. I have been so baby hungry, but I haven't been able to get pregnant, plus my pregnancies are hellish anyway, so I'm not sure why I'd want to?

And I haven't been the greatest mother on earth lately. Not even close. I am thankful school starts next week, because i might just go crazy before then!

Sending hugs and thoughts of chocolate your way!

DeNae said...

I'm sorry you're sad. I get it, believe me. I think most of us do.

A little tip on the homework thing: This is temporary. She's tired, routine is tough to get into all at once, and she's fed up with having all these people suddenly telling her what to do and when to do it.

And if dad can get her to do it, let him do it! It's not a competition, and he's as much a parent as you are. As your kids get older, you'll start to see certain circumstances with certain kids that you seem to handle better, and others that he handles better. It doesn't make either one of you a failure. It's called teamwork!

Now, the friend thing. You know what I've done? I have a standing date with two different friends on two different days of every month. Elise is the 2nd Tuesday, Dawnie is the 3rd Friday. Every month. It's in our planners and we treat it as untouchable. If we didn't do this, we'd never see each other. Call Amber and Kristina and pick a standard day, and then stick to your schedule! You know I'd come if I could!

Love ya!

Wonder Woman said...

I'm pretty sure that'll be my in 2.5 days. Trying to get Spiderman to do homework and struggling with friends. We just moved and I'm lonely, too. I'm gonna have to really put myself out there now and meet people. Preferably people with kids the same age and similar interests to mine and not weird and also in need of a best friend.......

Or you could move down here...... :o) I'd let you hold my baby. (Trying to help, not be mean. Should I delete that?)

We should totally plan a girl's night. How's mid-September?

Garden of Egan said...

Ditto to what DeNae said. She's very wise.

Hopefully you get some rest.

Missy said...

First of all, you need to contact the school concerning the bullying issue. The teachers need to be aware of what is happening. As a former teacher, I can say that teachers do not always know.
The Kindergarten thing will pass. It is a new experience and sometimes not fun. The kicking and screaming will turn into smiles.
I am having a bad case of baby-itis. I just think of the sleepless nights, etc. to make it go away! LOL
A Girl's Night Out certainly sounds in order. Your friends are probably thinking the very same things.
I am sending Hugs Your Way!

Sarah said...

You know if there is one person who understands the Non-fertil thin its me! It does seem like everyone has babies right now. And it really sucks, I just want to cry every time I see one or a pregnant woman. It really is unfair. We need to get together for lunch again and just cry it out.

Andrea said...

I wouldn't mind a girl's night either. I'll call you in a month when I have time. {This is probably why I feel like I am in a slump too!}

Braden said...

Sorry, I can't help you on the girl's night. But I'll second what DeNae said. I'm sorry it's been so rough. Once, a General Authority told me that I shouldn't use my children's actions as the example I set for others or the way I judged myself, but rather, to let the love I had for them and my efforts with them be the marker. That was very liberating.