Monday, December 29, 2008

Christmas, Winter blues, etc.....


Unnecessary Torturous Ignition

Ugly Troll Inside

Untimely Terrible Incineration

Ultimately Terrifying Insult

I had a whole bunch of these milling around in my head last night whilst I tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep. This is all I could come up with today.

I know, I know TMI. But, since I have a rapport for being keeping it real and honest around here....well...that's what's on my mind today. Thank goodness for Nitrofurantn.

Ok, now that you are officially disgusted with me and never want to read my blog again, I'll just go off and whine some more.

I'm really struggling right now. I haven't taken a "happy pill" in four months. I haven't really felt like I needed one. I've felt more myself since I've been off of them. Except the occasional outburst, or "bad day."
Well, I had my usual, annual Christmas Eve breakdown, in which I felt so overwhelmed with things to do, and no time to do it that I stopped and cried for a hour. That Definitely solved ALL of my time problems. Amazing how perspective gets so skewed when you're feeling depressed, isn't it? Let me tell you about ALL the things I had to do on Christmas Eve. I had to make Wassail, a salad, and do my hair, and make it to my Mom's for dinner by 3:00.
Oh, and did I mention that my brother came and took my kids sledding for 3 hours?
What is my freakin' problem?
So, then, the day after Christmas I woke up at like noon, made it all the way to the couch (after turning on movies for the kids), and sat and read a book all day. I finally ventured out at 6:00 to go, an hour late, to my extended family Christmas party. I got there just before the closing prayer.
I'm not really feeling necessarily sad, or stressed, or angry. Just blah. Like nothing. Like nobody. I just want to sleep.
I don't want to do anything else. Just crawl in bed, and sleep. My poor little neglected children.
I'm just grateful for Mario Kart and webkinz for entertaining my children over the last few days.
Hopefully, they are still novel and exciting by the end of this week.

I'll post about Christmas later, when I feel like it.


Kristina P. said...

Oh, Sher, I am so sorry! I'm happy to say I've never had one. I hope you get feeling better soon.

Mechelle said...

This is normal. Today is the most blah day of the year. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow. Thank havens for Mario Kart. m

Ashley said...

Ohhh that sounds terrible! I hope you're feeling lots better soon!!!

Anonymous said...

this message is to be deleted because it has nothing to do with your post.
This is just to let you know that a while ago you accepted to answer to a little game/riddle and that I have put this answer for it today on my blog. and here is the link to save you time.

Hope you feel better soon and of course my comment about the pot candies was a joke.

tammy said...

I HATE that feeling! Do the gray skies make it worse for you too? I know that's one reason I needed to leave UT, I couldn't do the gray skies for weeks on end during the winters. Sometimes I would go to a tanning bed just to feel the sun and light. It did help. We had over a week here of gray and rain, and even with just one day of it, I was starting to feel depressed. It totally takes away all my energy and happy feelings and makes me just want to hang out on the couch.

I hope you feel better soon. Do you have any happy pills left? Sometimes I take St. Johns Wort for just a few days, and it helps too.

Scrappy Girl said...

I hate days like that! I hate being in a funk too. At least they eventually pass...I think the days between Christmas and New Years are hard anyway! Hope you are feeling sunny again soon!

Queen Elizabeth said...

Sher - I don't know you except through blogging but can I ask you a favor? Will you please stop calling anti-depressants "happy pills"? (Maybe I'm sensitive because I used to date a guy who called them that and suggested we pop some like they were recreational drugs; and yes, I also take them and have for years.) If they really were "happy pills" - the whole world would be taking them by the bucket full. I suggest you start taking them and keep taking them - they have a long uptake time.
The way I see it, my husband is diabetic and needs his insulin or he'll die. If I don't take this medication, I'll probably die, too. Tell me the difference?
Truly, don't take this the wrong way - I hope you pull out of this.

wonder woman said...

Maybe this isn't the best time, but I, uh, kinda tagged tell how you keep demons and insecurites at bay. =D

You don't have to do it today. =D

Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's 'cuz your under the weather. Maybe you DO need happy pills. Maybe it's the christmas let-down. I have no idea. Do you have a nagging idea of what's wrong at the center?

I'd find the root of the problem, then go from there. Cloudy skies, Christmas over, hormones, whatever.

I hope you get to feeling like yourself soon.

Sarah said...

Hey Sher, I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I suffer heavily from SAD (seasonal affected disorder) and this time of year if my hardest time. The grey skies and having my kids home, and work, and the Christmas let down, just everything gets me down. I also want you to know that if you need to be on something to make it better than do it, but I am really proud of you for trying not to take meds to solve your problems. Just remember you have friends out there that care about you and are concerned for you, and many of us are just a phone call away!

Andrea said...

There is nothing wrong with a good Christmas Eve Meltdown, it makes Christmas a lot better, and for some amazing reason, your kids act better because they don't want to upset Mommy. Oh, and I guess your post explains the Sunday cranberry juice.

Motherboard said...

Sorry about your UTI.

The salt worked. My canker is gone gone baby gone.

Lets not get me started on the irregularity of your pill taking! I take those blessed happy pills too-- but they don't do squat if you don't take them. But, you already know how I feel.

I'll call you later.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I love reading you because you DO keep it real! SOrry about the break down...if it helps any I also had a break down, only my excuse was procrastination...go figure!

Is there a happy pill for that?

Shannon said...

I am so sorry, Sherri. Start taking your pills! Hope you feel better soon!

Lisa Loo said...

Hey--I am brand new here so I am not sure whether to say this or not but...

First, I take meds for depression and another little one for some minor bi--polar.

Second--I agree with some of the others that maybe you need to not think of them as "happy" pills cuz mine don't necessarily make me happy but they balance me enough so I can better live my life with a little joy. Maybe a little permission to be "broken". Medically we fix bones, blood pressure, diabetes etc. but why does it not seem okay to "fix" our chemical balances?

I wish I had the magic tool for this disease. To see so many people struggle daily to want to get out of bed etc. That is only on the days I can function well enough look outside my own.

Some of the most brilliant and sensitive people I know struggle with this. People who know what it is like to scrape the bottom and then make it back up---have so much more to offer---

I am sorry--I usually don't share my issues let alone try to talk to others about it and you don't even know me--I just ache for you--do take the meds consistently--sometimes the side effects are better than the terrible darkness that hangs around. I don't think depression is a punishment but I think that like any other illness or disease Satan will take great delight in using against you. How great is his delight if he can keep you from feeling the light and sharing your gift with others.

Once again--sorry if this was weird or completely out of line--I seemed to have missed the tact line in heaven and just a by the way...

I REALLY LOVE your music choices!! Music touches my soul when nothing else can---am looking forward to your bucket fillers--that is if you don't block me!!