Once again, I'm a little ashamed for my little outburst yesterday. Sorry. But, then, again, I'm not, either. Because I use this place to vent, and unload my burdens, and I guess it's better to type it out, then take it out on my husband and kids. But, I'm sorry that you come here to see what's up with us, and get bombarded with whining.
I was asked by a few people, what I thought my problem was, and received a few suggestions that I find the root of the problem and start there.
Well, that just the thing. I don't know. To be honest, I often feel incredible guilt for getting depressed, because logically speaking, I have a really great life. I really have nothing to be depressed about. Really, I am truly blessed to not have any REAL problems. I have a few friends who are dealing with me pretty heavy stuff right now, and it really puts me in my place. Yeah, we're over scheduled. Yeah, my kids demand a lot from me. Yeah, my husband works long hours and is gone a lot. But, what Mom out there doesn't deal with these same things? None that I've seen, so far.
I really think my problem is simply a good, old fashioned chemical imbalance. Which is why the damn anti-depressants (not happy-pills for you, Queen Elizabeth) work. I don't want to take them though. I didn't like how they made me feel. I don't like the side effects. I felt like I had more "episodes" when I was taking the pills, than since I've quit. When, I say episodes, I use that term loosely. If you ask my husband, he wonders still if he should've committed me to an institution last spring. I don't think he truly understands depression because it was never discussed in his home. I don't know if his Mom ever struggled with it.
I also don't know why people are so afraid to talk about it. I think I would probably feel better and a lot of other people would feel better if we all just came out of our comfort zones, let down our barriers, and just talked about it.
So, I want to discuss this. If you don't want to, that's Ok, but I just wondered who else out there suffered from depression, or seasonal affective disorder (which I think is my big problem right now). What do you do for it? Do you take medication? Do you have home remedies that work for you?
I'll tell you what works for me besides taking the pills:
First of all, being depressed makes me want to sleep all day and do nothing. And avoid contact with people at all costs. But, I've noticed that if I get outside, and socialize, even just to go to the store, it helps. Also, surrounding myself with friends and family. I think this forces me to think about other people besides myself, and helps me realize that yes, people care about me, and my life is worth something. Holing myself up in my room only locks me away with my dangerous thoughts.
Also, exercise. I always feel better after a good run, or going to the gym. Sometimes, after I run a few miles, I like to finish it off with a sprint. I just run as hard and as fast as I can for like 20-30 seconds. It's amazing what that does for me. That, and laying off sugar. Sugar does nothing but gives me instant gratification. And I always feel like crap after I eat it.
And Prayer. Sometimes this is so difficult for me, it's almost unbearable. I don't know why. Because I don't feel worthy of His love when I'm depressed? Or I'm ashamed? But, I have to force myself to get on my knees. Sometimes, I don't even say anything, I just kneel, and cry. Honestly, sometimes, I feel like I am just crying at His feet. And I know He is there, and wants me to be happy. Just acknowledging God, and coming to Him for help, helps.
These are my home remedies. Obviously it's a work in progress. But, I'd like to know, what works for you? Leave me a comment, and lets talk about it.