Friday, December 11, 2009

Solitude

Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. - Paul Tillich

Don't you love that quote?  My visiting teacher sent it to me yesterday.  It's perfect for what I'm going through right now.  I really wish I'd know about it before I produced my CD "Solitude."  It perfectly explains the reasoning being the title of my song Solitude.  I called it that because if those few precious moments that I do have as a mother, to sit down and write. 

Yesterday, I was lonely.  I sat on my butt all day, watching basically nothing on TV.  Just flipping through the channels all day.  I completely wasted the day away doing absolutely nothing.

Today, instead of wallowing is self pity and loneliness, I decided to get up, and actually take a shower and make myself worth something.   There's nothing like getting cleaned up to make you feel better.  And I decided to enjoy my solitude.

I went to the movies.  And know, that's not much, but at least I got out.  And on my way out, I helped a guy and his son in the hotel parking lot jump start their truck.  All the while, I tried keeping my distance, because of course, I am still radioactive.  It felt good to help someone else besides myself for a change. 

Then, I went to the theater, and saw New Moon.  I took extra care to find a seat a good distance from other people.  It wasn't too hard, because I deliberately went to the first showing of the day. 

Then, I came back to the hotel, and got all of my  Christmas presents wrapped, while I watched Julie & Julia. 

I know it seems like all I'm doing is watching movies, but I feel productive.

Honestly, as much as I'm enjoying my solitude, I am definitely looking forward to going home tomorrow.  I miss C.   And I miss my monkeys.

7 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Good for you, Sher! I hope you feel better.

wonder woman said...

That's a perfect quote. I think I'd behave exactly as you have in your shoes -- lazy the first day, sick of it the next day and ready to do something about it, and missing my family like crazy by the end.

LOVE the header, too.

Erin said...

Your header is lovely!

I'm so glad you get to go home tomorrow. I bet it's been a long three days! But how great that you got some Christmas presents wrapped and took care of yourself a little bit.

Annette Lyon said...

That's the perfect way to describe it--there's a real difference between loneliness and solitude.

I'm glad you've found some solitude in the middle of the loneliness.

Mikki said...

Sherrie, I hope you're doing better. I've just been catching up with, like your past two weeks worth of posts. Your "confessions" post from December 3rd really, really touched my heart. I've been reading this book at work, called "Death Becomes Them", it's about suicides of famous people. Of course, most--if not all of them suffered from some sort of depression. I just can't imagine being in that state, but I know it is real and it exists.
I hope this stuff you're going through right now is helping, and that you'll find your way out of the dark. The wonderful thing is that you do have the gospel in your life.
My biggest thought, in reading some of the stories in this book, is that these people--alot of them--seem pretty narcissistic, and maybe if they'd had more opportunities to serve others, maybe it might have helped open their eyes, and see beyond their own problems.Perhaps that's not even a possibility though, when someone is so enveloped in their pain and loneliness.
So what am I even trying to convey here? I don't know. I just want you to know that I love you, and I'm thinking of you and I really, really hope things will be better soon for you. And I love that quote, and I too am glad you're able to identify the difference and that you were able to enjoy some of this solitude. Keeping you in my prayers.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

That is a great quote! I'm so glad you are feeling productive. I think that is so important for us. I know when I've had the flu or a really bad cold, I get depressed when I feel like I'm getting zero-zilch done.

I wish you the best in your recovery! I hope your health is back to normal ASAP!

Tara said...

Hey Sherrie! I've thought lots about you...so glad your "isolation" is over. And I bet it's great to be back home.

I watched you on the news...it was so fun to see you! You looked and played beautiful. :)

Hope you are feeling better soon.