Monday, October 20, 2008

Random Psychobabble

I've had a little bit...OK, a lot, I wanted to say, but the birthday boy took precedence over all my random crazy, so I didn't post it. I don't really remember very much of it either.

I've had a few moments in recent days when I feel like my life is a constant downward spiral. When did I completely lose control?

Last night at the birthday party, I had a brief moment of complete and utter panic. Anxiety. All of sudden everything just blurred and all I could hear was the blended blur of noise coming from the 20 people in my house. Then it was all I could see to stay in the room. At that moment I really, really wanted to go in my bedroom and go to bed. I don't do very well playing hostess. But, I do it, on occasion, for the people. The crazy thing is that it was just our families, and our good friends. I shouldn't feel that pressure to impress people. And, trust me, I didn't take very drastic measures to impress them. I just got a little stressed about the noise and the crowd.

Maybe I'm agoraphobic.

And then, this morning, Peter came in my bed at about 5am. She does this EVERY night, and I'm getting soooooo sick of it. And I was really tired, because I stayed up all night reading everyone's secrets on this site. Boy, you people are messed up! (Just kidding, please don't hate me)

So, at 7 this morning, both she and TJ woke up and were just whining at me. And I completely lost it! Ranting and raving, SCREAMING like a lunatic. The irony is that I was throwing a tantrum, yelling at Peter to stop having a tantrum. Huh.....I wonder where she's learned it from? Hmmmm.......

I went to the gym this morning, and burned some cal, and kicked up my endorphins, so I feel a little better. Then, I ate some cookies. Back down again. Crap. I was doing so well.

Ok, so, I've gotten some bloggy award things. Thank you to Wonderwoman, and Motherboard, who both awarded me with this:

And Motherboard also awarded me with these:

This is from Miss Mattie (Jan's daughter)

And this is from Thing 1 (Motherboard's daughter)

Thanks you guys. After the crazy lady came in a took over, this was just what I needed to pick me up!

I would also like to award: Andrea (even though Motherboard already awarded you, I love your blog), Mikki (a wonderful friend, who I've never met in person, but would really like to someday), Forney Four (my lovely friend from HS, that I reconnected with through blogging, and always cracks me up), and Mother Goose (who never fails to inspire me with all her wisdom)

Here's to a good week. And now, I need to go practice.....because I start recording tomorrow!!!


Mikki said...

Hey!!! I know that woman!!! She comes to my house frequently and takes control of my body.
Seriously, you are so not alone in that loss of control. Especially when you're tired, it can be so hard to maintain your cool and keep patient when those little ones are pushing ALL your buttons. I'm embbarrassed to say that I have on more than a few occasions screamed, yelled, ROARED at my kids. And I feel so horrible about it every time.
So, at least take comfort in the fact that you're not alone.
I read a wonderful post the other day, hold on, let me go find the link for it is

this sweet sister sums things up nicely.
Hope you have a better day, and that you do really well tomorrow. I'll be praying for ya'!
ps oh, and thanks for the award-you're so sweet to think of me.

*MARY* said...

I know, some of those secrets made me feel better about myself.

wonder woman said...

Seriously CRAZY stuff on K's blog. And now they've started a blog for LDS about s e x. I took a look.......I think it might be too much for me!!

Glad you got some endorphins going. And much better to get it through exercise than chocolate.


Anonymous said...

i hope you get to feeling better & more sane!

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh... i just checked out their site... and they link to a site like alyssa was talking about... and it is INSANE!

i commented that they were too "H" .... then i deleted my comment.... but anyway... don't go there!

it is not good. it is too graphic... even for me!!!!!

Mother Goose said...

OH how sweet THANK YOU so much for my AWARD, :: now which award is it??:: sorry, my mama dropped me when I was a baby.

Jan said...

I know the whole company thing. I get that way too. Seriously it has been a problem of mine for years. I know how you felt.

You did a great job though. Nice awards and you gave yours to great people. Take care Sher.

Peggy said...

Hey good luck on the recording session. And feel better!

Jessica said...

We had so much fun at your house! I didn't notice that you were getting stressed at all. I'm sorry, I hope Nate wasn't teasing you like he so often does! Good luck today!

Nick and Stacey said...

I know what you mean about the craziness. But way to go on the party for TJ, happy birthday! i can't believe he is five. Crazy!

The Motherboard said...

I swear I left you a comment on this thing... but maybe i'm on crack.

You will be fab tonight!! Tell the crazylady to zip it!

You are AMAZING!!!

Little Miss said...

It wasn't until recently that I realized pms isn't just "before the storm"-- no no... as women we get all screwed up before ovulation too!! so truly, twice in one month...doesn't leave much room for sanity.

Unfortunately (or fortunately b/c we're friends and can support one another) we are on the same wavelength lately. I yelled at Tiny today for getting into my scrapbook room and emptying a box. She's FOUR. I left her alone for some selfish reason- and she got into things. MY FAULT. but guess who got punished?? TINY. I feel horrible. And that feeling of NOT being in control of my emotions is scary and directly impacts my children.

if you find any answers please enlighten me!!

p.s. I hate to say it and I know I should feel bad for saying it...but at least I'm not alone; i'm not the only one who struggles with losing control around her children.

Kristina P. said...

You deserve all these fabulous awards!