Ok, yeah, I kind of had a rough week, last week.
Of course it started out, with me feeling like crap...you know, with being sick and all.
Tuesday morning, I thought I'd get up for a run, to see if I could just "sweat it out" It was a hard run, and I kept saying to myself, "I hate this, why am I doing this?"
A little side note about running. Normally, I LOVE to run. I feel great when I run. It's exhilerating getting up at 4:30 in the morning (yeah, it HAS to be that early to get the miles in before the heat, and before the hubby has to leave for work), working up a sweat, stretching out my muscles, getting my heartrate up. And usually, when I come home, I feel so good for having accomplished something, and I get a ton done in the morning because the monkeys are still sleeping.
Well, Tuesday, I wanted to DIE after my run. By the way, sweating on a very raw nose (from blowing it all weekend) hurts. Running while your face is full of snot hurts, too. Oh, and running when you didn't sleep all night because you couldn't breath, hurt EVERYWHERE!
So, I came home from my run, to discover that my 4-year-old had left the freezer in the garage open all night long. We lost probably $1200 worth of food. AAARRRRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!
Wednesday, well you read that post.
Oh, but what I didn't tell you was that my kids took a bath in my bathtub in my master bedroom on Wednesday night. When suddenly, Clint comes running up the stairs, saying what are the kids doing in there!!
The kids tend to splash a little bit, but I didn't think that would cause it to
LEAK THROUGH THE CEILING IN MY BASEMENT!!!!~
Yep, so now, I have no meat to eat, and I can't have a bath.
Saturday, I decided I needed to do a long run, since I slacked the last two weeks. So, I set out to do 13, and ended up doing 15 miles. yeah, I should be proud of myself. I felt great at 12, pretty good at 13, Okay at 14, and like CRAP at 15.
But, I came home, showered, took KJ to swimming lessons, went the grocery store, then Sam's club (with all the kids by the way), came home, and CRASHED.
I probably slept for 3 hours.
Then, I woke up, and had a total and complete nervous breakdown.
It's been building all week. All month actually. I don't think anyone realizes how truly sick I am. I'm not talking about the sinus infection, people. I'm talking about the crazy. This IS a sickness. A debilitating, humiliating, emotionally draining sickness, that I can't seem to overcome. Everything seems so overwhelming...even the simplest tasks...like the dishes. There have been many times this last month that I've thought I'm done, I want to quit. I'm just going to walk away. But, then where would I go?
I do feel like there is an internal battle going on inside me. A little argument between my crazy self, and my normal logical self. My crazy self is very cunning and overbearing, and it seems she usually wins.
But then, I started thinking, maybe this isn't my crazy self. This is Satan telling my to think all of these horrible things about myself.
So, now I say this:
Satan! Bugger off. You have no business being in my head, So GET OUT!
Wow, I feel better now.
Sorry, for the crazy talk. I had to get it off my chest.