Monday, September 29, 2008

Back on track...

I hit complete rock bottom over the weekend. We're talking ranting around like a raving lunatic. I should've known. This always happens when my crazy lady comes to visit. I feel a little blue for a few days, then I get a little more blue, then I crack and all the crazy comes spilling out without warning. There's no telling what will set me off.

My poor husband. He is the world's most patient man. Seriously. He sits back, patiently, while I scream, cry, throw things, threaten divorce, beg and plead for forgiveness, then start all over again.

What kind of man could put up with that kind of torture over and over?

A good one, that's for sure!

There was some good that came out of it though. I feel much more refreshed today. I've been going around the house today cleaning things out, re-organizing my life.

Thanks for all of your comments. It's interesting...about the scripture I post yesterday... D&C 25:12 is my all-time favorite scripture, you all know how much I love music. I never thought I'd find the answer to my prayers in the scriptures surrounding it. But, as I was sitting in Sunday school, tuning out the teacher, basking in my own personal woes and torment, I decided to turn to the topical guide, and this scripture was blaring out at me. Amazingly enough, as I prayed yesterday morning to open my fast, the thought "read your scriptures" kept coming to my mind. The Lord always knows how to help us through, if we give him a chance and just listen.

That has been something that has been incredibly difficult for me lately. I don't know why. It is insanely difficult for me to humble myself enough to kneel and pray, for forgiveness, and for help. I can pray for my children, and my family in general. I know I give those kind of prayers that bounce off the ceiling. To really dig deep and have a meaningful conversation with God is something that I really, really need to work on. He knows, and I know I need it desperately. He's there to help me, if I just ask. Why is it so hard me to just ask for help?

It's my pride. I know it is. I have been so self-absorbed, focusing all on me, and my goals, and my dreams, that I'd kind of forgotten everything else. Including my faith and family...the two most important things in my life. I think I needed to re-set. I'm hoping everything that I went through over the weekend helped me to do that.

But, the weekend wasn't all bad. Saturday, Clint and I took the kids to Lagoon one more time. Then KJ had a soccer game. She played awesome, despite being so tired from being at Lagoon all day. Then we got a babysitter, and Clint and I went back to Lagoon to ride the "fun rides"

Between joking around with my hubby, going on rides that I was sure threatened my very existance (have you ever ridden the rocket?---terrifying...I have a real problem with heights), and getting to spend some good quality one on one time with my hubby, it was a much-needed boost to my spirits.

So, I just want to say Thank you to all of you who commented, for your thoughts.

Thank you to my children for being great kids despite having a crazy mother.

And THANK YOU to my dear husband, for loving me despite my insanity, for sticking it out, and helping me be better. I love you!


myhappyplace said...

No need for a map, I am quite good at finding rock bottom- and ranting and raving is one of the things I seem to do best. It sounds like you are doing better, way to hang in there. High five to your husband!

Peggy said...

Glad that you are feeling better. And sorry you had a bad weekened. And jealous that you got to go to Lagoon without kids. Thanks for sharing that scripture, I needed it too!

Jan said...

We love you no matter if you are crazy or doing well. Should I be offended since you call you bad times Crazy Lady. Well, lets just say that I won't :)

Glad you are feeling better though. Nothing like a little reminder from the scriptures and a great hubby.

Sher said...

Oh man--Jan, that didn't even occur to me when I called my bad time my crazy lady.
I'm sorry!
For the record, I think you are amazing and anything but crazy!

Jessica said...

I like how you post a scripture on Sunday. I might have to steal that idea. I really like how blogging is a way to journal. You will have an amazing blog book at the end of the year!

Mikki said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better. Nothing like that time of the month to bring out the worst in us.

Rebecca said...

You're very inspiring Sher!

Anonymous said...

i am glad you are feeling better!!!!

:::BIG HUGZ:::

and i ♥ the little pics of your & your hunny!

Motherboard said...

You are amazing. Really really amazing!

I'm looking forward to stuffing myself full of carbs today!!

tammy said...

I still don't know why Heavenly Father gave us PMS when all it does is make us crazy screaming lunatics. Our poor hubbys and kids! I haven't missed not having that as much this year (since I got an IUD). Add PMS to the depression tendancies, and it just makes everything worse, I know. So Sorry! I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't have a problem asking for help in prayers, but I do have a really hard time asking anyone else for help.

I love the pics of you and your hubby. I haven't been to Lagoon in years!

*MARY* said...

I'm so glad you're doing better and have such a wonderful family.

I love those pictures, classic.

Andrea said...

Glad you're back! And congrats on the CD thing! That is awesome!