I hit complete rock bottom over the weekend. We're talking ranting around like a raving lunatic. I should've known. This always happens when my crazy lady comes to visit. I feel a little blue for a few days, then I get a little more blue, then I crack and all the crazy comes spilling out without warning. There's no telling what will set me off.
My poor husband. He is the world's most patient man. Seriously. He sits back, patiently, while I scream, cry, throw things, threaten divorce, beg and plead for forgiveness, then start all over again.
What kind of man could put up with that kind of torture over and over?
A good one, that's for sure!
There was some good that came out of it though. I feel much more refreshed today. I've been going around the house today cleaning things out, re-organizing my life.
Thanks for all of your comments. It's interesting...about the scripture I post yesterday... D&C 25:12 is my all-time favorite scripture, you all know how much I love music. I never thought I'd find the answer to my prayers in the scriptures surrounding it. But, as I was sitting in Sunday school, tuning out the teacher, basking in my own personal woes and torment, I decided to turn to the topical guide, and this scripture was blaring out at me. Amazingly enough, as I prayed yesterday morning to open my fast, the thought "read your scriptures" kept coming to my mind. The Lord always knows how to help us through, if we give him a chance and just listen.
That has been something that has been incredibly difficult for me lately. I don't know why. It is insanely difficult for me to humble myself enough to kneel and pray, for forgiveness, and for help. I can pray for my children, and my family in general. I know I give those kind of prayers that bounce off the ceiling. To really dig deep and have a meaningful conversation with God is something that I really, really need to work on. He knows, and I know I need it desperately. He's there to help me, if I just ask. Why is it so hard me to just ask for help?
It's my pride. I know it is. I have been so self-absorbed, focusing all on me, and my goals, and my dreams, that I'd kind of forgotten everything else. Including my faith and family...the two most important things in my life. I think I needed to re-set. I'm hoping everything that I went through over the weekend helped me to do that.
But, the weekend wasn't all bad. Saturday, Clint and I took the kids to Lagoon one more time. Then KJ had a soccer game. She played awesome, despite being so tired from being at Lagoon all day. Then we got a babysitter, and Clint and I went back to Lagoon to ride the "fun rides"
Between joking around with my hubby, going on rides that I was sure threatened my very existance (have you ever ridden the rocket?---terrifying...I have a real problem with heights), and getting to spend some good quality one on one time with my hubby, it was a much-needed boost to my spirits.
So, I just want to say Thank you to all of you who commented, for your thoughts.
Thank you to my children for being great kids despite having a crazy mother.
And THANK YOU to my dear husband, for loving me despite my insanity, for sticking it out, and helping me be better. I love you!