I've entered into a special kind of crazy world today. When my hubby travels, it makes me realize just how emotionally unstable I really am. If he ever died, I would come completely unhinged. And that's not counting the massive grief I would be in. That would just be from trying to do this mothering thing all by myself.
I'm really not that good at it. The only reason my children even seem somewhat adjusted at all is because of their father, who really has taken on the enormous job of picking up all my slack as the chronically depressed and more often than not angry crazy lady these kids call Mom.
Last night, Peter woke up at about 11:30, and was all hyped up and crazy until 3:30. THREE-THIRTY AM people!!! No wonder I'm ornery. I didn't sleep all night! After running around trying sell cars and what not today, I'm kind of pooped.
So, tonight, I was trying to get the kids to finish eating/get on pajamas, etc. They all escaped out the back door into the backyard. So, being the impatient crazy person that I am, I came out and yelled at them to come back inside and get ready for bed. As the kids grudgingly marched inside, I overheard my neighbors, who, I guess, were sitting on their deck, and heard the whole fiasco, say my name. So I started listening. I couldn't hear very clearly, but I heard them saying something to the effect of "Sherrie yells all the time"
(Insert image of me with my mouth dropped down to the floor, eyes welling up, heart pounding)
I was completely flabbergasted by that comment. Here I am in my little bubble of crazy world, thinking nobody knows how crazy I really am. And there it is. My neighbors not only think I'm crazy...they KNOW I'm crazy!
I'm mortified, embarrassed, humiliated, (I know, those all mean the same thing, but saying it that many times is necessary)....and heartbroken.
Heartbroken, not for me, but for my poor, sweet, innocent children who have to put up with me. It's really not fair to them to have to be subjected that this kind of behavior...meaning me and my temper tantrums. How completely forgiving they are to me.
Right now, I should be hugging and cuddling them and telling them I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'm blogging.
What a loser....
So, here is my random 10 list...but my heart isn't in it today.
1. Crazy - Gnarles Barkley
2. Still Crazy After All These Years - Paul Simon
3. La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
4. Casa de Locos - Ricardo Arjona
5. Circle - Edie Brickell
6. Addicted - Dan Seals
7. This Woman Needs - Shedaisy
8. Used To - Daughtry
9. 10 lb. Heart - Chely Wright
10. Dead or Alive - Oingo Boingo
Bonus:
Foolish Games - Jewel
4 comments:
Oh Sherrie, we love you just the way you are. Dumb neighbors are just gossips!
Neighbors can really suck!! I am sorry that they said that... that is so totally rude. Want me to go egg their house? Or TP it?? I totally will! :>)
I'm sorry you are having a rough go... I'm here if you need a break!
I think I must be a heathen, cause I quite liked Juno. Oh well. I'm saving seats by the AC in hell.
That makes me wonder what my neighbors must think of me? Your day is sounding an awful lot like mine.... I know I yell to much also, I can totally relate.
I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. It IS hard when your husband is gone. I find that I am worse when mine is gone.
And if it makes you feel any better, this weekend when we went camping, we went around the tent and asked what made each of us special in our family. When it came to me, both my kids said, "What makes mom special is she's angry all the time." Yeah, great! So now we know how my kids will remember me! LOL
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