Sunday, July 5, 2009

Venting Session # 17,458,932,077


Kids.

It seems that since summer has started my children have developed some rather alarming health conditions, that are a great cause for concern.

For instance, all three of them have some sort of extreme selective hearing loss. I'm really worried about them. I wonder if they are malnourished, or have suffered from heat stroke that caused brain damage or something, because it seems that no matter how much I nag and yell, and nag some more, they just can't seem to hear me.
If I tell them to get dressed, turn off the TV, clean their rooms, eat their food, or anything else that has to do with anything remotely responsible, it falls on completely deaf ears.

On the other hand, if I say anything including the words play, swim, Lagoon, cookies, chocolate, or ice cream, they perk right up as if they have super hearing powers.

I just don't know what to do. I've decided to start researching alternative medical treatments to resolve my poor children's illness. Studies have shown that such drastic treatments as being grounded from the TV, scrubbing toilets, and eating massive amount of green leafy vegetables, and reading aloud have proven to show signs of improvement in selective hearing loss. Common side effects that may appear during treatment, include, but are not limited to incessant whining, complaining, pouting, sudden outbursts, melt downs, and gradual increase in productivity, and cooperation.

I'm going to start applying these treatments immediately. I'll let you know during this experimental study, if any improvements are seen.

If not, this mother is in serious danger of blowing a gasket.

20 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Ahhhh, the Selective Summer Hearing disorder. I hope you find the cure soon!

Melissa said...

SO TRUE!! What is up with the selective hearing loss? Seriously! When you find a cure, let me know, cause now Sissy is starting to develop it......

PS - GREAT JOB on the cleanse diet! I can only imagine how good you are feeling! And did I see swim yesterday? Tri?? 8/22 at Jordanelle??

DeNae said...

Oy fa-REAKING veh, do I hear ya sister! Last night I had a mini-meltdown, just hours after my scout/girls' campers got home, where I grabbed my hair (very dramatic) and screamed, "I am so DONE with being ignored!!!"

Of course, if I'm sitting at the computer or talking on the phone or - heaven forbid - on the can, well then I'm the rudest, most inconsiderate mother in the world for not hanging on every syllable that passes their lips.

And they're big, Sherrie. Not little. Big.

Grrr...

Cynthia said...

I think it's a pandemic because my kids have this problem too. It's certainly a disease that's been around for YEARS because if you ever have to nag etc. about this stuff around Grandma she just smiles and nods as though she's "Been there, done that" with US!

Becca said...

Oh how I feel your pain! I get more grumpy every day of the summer because of this very ailment! We need to take some drastic measures at my house soon before I really do go crazy!

The Garden of Egan said...

Ah, Sher my love! You are now finding out what millions of parents worldwide couldn't warn you about because YOUR kids weren't going to be that way.
Well, the only know cure is the extremely expensive Rx for "hand to butt" it is quite effective for certain disorders. However, discretion must be used at the risk of finding Child Protective Services on your doorstep. Another effective treatment is to dissolve in a puddle of tears on the floor, make sure you are in a heap. Guilt has been know to be effective....it worked for my mother!
Good luck to ya babe!
You may also want to try listening to a CD that I received and play constantly....it's called Solitude. Totally amazing songs that calm the savage beast and desroying house angels.

Blog Buddy said...

I'm your newest fan and obsessed with your fantastic music!!!!

VICKI IN AZ said...

You Go Girl!!
This is so funny, actually makes me laugh to think about how true this all is when you put it this way!

Kristen said...

Nice to hear that my kids are not the only ones inflicted with this disease. I've tried all kinds of cures and none seem to work. Let me know if you find some wonderful alternative.

2busy said...

My kids have the same ailment. I think it may be a side effect of too many otter pops...Clean your room evokes the response, I can't hear you over iCarly!

Andrea said...

My favorite is when the 'pretend' to finally hear you when you threaten the grounding from video games or friends, "Mom? Are you saying something?" Yeah, whatever...

Sarah said...

I have not found a cure but I have discovered some "helpers". Three things...1. I do NOT turn on the TV until after 3 pm. If this creates boredom, that is solved by chores or "homework". If I even hear the word bored, I give out chores. 2. Quiet time, I instituted this little item a couple of years ago. The hour and a half after lunch is mine! They go into their rooms and read, play, whatever. I dont care what they do as long as they stay in their rooms with the door shut. It took a while for them to get the hang of this but now they know that this is just what they do after lunch. 3. Two words... audio books.
Maybe one or all of these will work for you too. Good luck!

Annette Lyon said...

A-men! Summer just started in some ways, and I'm already ready for it to be over.

Rachel Sue said...

Selective hearing is the bane of my existance. THat and slow and deliberate cleaning. I cringe just thinking about it. . .

Motherboard said...

I have decided that my voice is only in the hearing range of my dog.

I'm going to hire Tibetan Monks to chant all the things I seem to be yelling, and then play it while they sleep. I'm not afraid to admit to brainwashing... wanna go half-sies?

wendy said...

Well thank goodness they are not experiencing bloating, nausea, diarrhea, eating raw meat and mucous of the eyes.
you had me worried.

tammy said...

And my almost 13 yr old wonders why I am always yelling. Maybe it's because he's never listening?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Ur kids caught it to huh? It's a pandemic!

Dede said...

Oh you poor thing...my oldest caught it too...I've got her wearing a mask so as not to spread it to my younger son. I'm so impressed you've stuck with your healthful eating habits with this! I, unfortunately, have been turning to the chocolate and stuff for comfort. Tell those kids to GET WELL SOON!!:-)

Tink said...

Yep, this illness is pandemic! Seriously! I heard that it is called The Mother-Deaf Syndrome, or something like that. It has spread to my neck of the woods, too. Let me know if you find a cure!