Thursday, June 12, 2008

There is something Wrong with me....

I think the crazy depression bug is creeping up on me again today. This time it's a little different. This happens to me every so often. Every once in a while the symptoms of depression seem to be less emotional/mental, and more physical.
For the past week, I've been so doggone tired. If you read my previous tag, you would know that today I slept in until 9, this morning. Yesterday, I did the same thing. Two days in a row without running or exercising. That fact alone makes me feel guilty and depressed. It seems that if I don't get up at 5am to run, then I don't want to get out of bed AT ALL.

Also, I'm so unmotivated to do ANYTHING. I don't want to clean, or do yard work (my neighbors will attest to this based on the huge weeds growing in my yard), or shower or get ready.

I'm tired, dizzy, have headaches. I'm just totally spaced out. When I'm out driving, I keep missing my turns, or forget where I'm going. It's like I'm just walking under a cloud.

No, I'm pretty sure I'm not getting sick. This has happened before. I'm just...BLAH...for lack of a better word. I'm not sad or anxious or angry, like I usually get when the crazy lady tries to appear. Today, I'm just..well..just there.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and just be a carefee kid again. I watch my children and their simple views on life...when everything is measured by the distance between your hands, when a snow cone or a popcycle is the highlight of my day, when I could entertain myself for hours just playing outside in the dirt, finding worms, or digging a hold to China, or just sit back and be without any responsiblities or consequences.

Throwback Thursday is dedicated to my former "kid" self:

In 1980...My brother, Josh, me, and sister Kathryn (back then we called her Lissie--Kat I hope you don't mind me saying that...that's how it was labeled on the back by Mom) I was 2.

This was on my 3rd Birthday. 1981. I loved everything pink, and frilly. I remember this Tu-tu. It's weird that this is a picture of me on my 3rd birthday and my baby just turned 3. She seems a lot littler than I do in this picture.

Both of these pictures are from 1984. I was six. Same age as Kennedie. This is me on the front porch with my little sister Kristen, who was 2 at the time. Do you love my snow suit? You can't see them, but I also had some killer moon boots.

I LOVED this princess dress. My Mom made it for me for Halloween that year. I loved playing dress up. Way more than both of my girls put together. My mom tells me I used to change my clothes 10 times a day. I still have this dress. My girls play dress up in it now! Thanks, Mom, for keeping it!


The Jensen Family said...

That is the cutest princess dress!

Regarding your blah felling, I know how you feel. Sometimes I just have blah days too. What is that? I've tried to think about what causes it but I can't seem to figure it out. I'm kind of feeling the same way today, we should go do something fun together. Anyways cute pictures of you as a kid!

The Jensen Family said...

Sorry, I spelled feeling wrong.

Spencer said...

Ya I know how it is to not feel like doing anything and yet the fact that you are not doing anything bugs you. Maybe you should go on a vacation.

Holly said...

It's so funny because everything you have described is how I have felt lately. But I actually have been feeling better the last few days, I also went off my medication which hasn't helped, but has still been good for me. I understand completely how you feel, it is like a cycle where one thing effects another and it makes you feel more depressed because you feel like you can't accomplish anything.

Stacey said...

I know what you mean about the not getting up early! I love all the pictures you guys were all such cute kids. I love the princess dress and that you still have it I think that is awesome. The love blog my mom and me set it up. Obviously it is still a work in progress, but I decided it was okay to put it on my blog. My mom is going to make it so everyone can add what they want to it. We still have to work out the details, but I thought it was fun. Anyways enough about that!

Jodip12 said...

So...I got sunburned today at the park after all that talk about sunscreen. Nice.
Also I have Some cute little shorts and here that belong to one I guess we'll have to do lunch again real soon.

The Motherboard said...

I don't think you are crazy... I think you are normal. I worry about those people who are go go going all the time... and never slow down long enough to just relax and enjoy life.

Good for you! Thats what I say!

I think you would be surprised to realize how many of us Mom's sleep late in the summer, and stay in our jammies until just before the husband comes home from work... Thats the joy of being a stay at home mom right? Getting to do just exactly whatever the heck we want!

I got your present... Thanks.

Smith Family said...

I have to completely agree with Motherboard. You are not crazy, just normal. Most days it is all I can do to take care of my kids, let alone take a shower and clean the house.