Friday, January 16, 2009

Random Psychobabble

This will have to be quick because I've forgotten, again, everything I was thinking about, and I need to be packing and doing laundry, cleaning, etc, instead of blogging.

I'm not taking my own advice on the bucket fillers today. I know, I'm so bad. I'm leaving today to go down south to run yet, another race. The St. George Painter's half marathon. The same race, in fact, that started my blog. I needed something to get me motivated again. I was having a hard time getting back into running through the fall and winter. And I've gained like a zillion pounds because of it. There's nothing like working your body to beyond its limits, then stopping abruptly, but still eating like your training for a marathon to gain lots of fat and lard.

My running group started doing a weight loss contest. I went to my first weigh in on Thursday. Talk about the most humiliating moment OF. MY. LIFE. It was very eye opening for me. For one, I had no idea it was even possible to gain that much weight in 3 short months. Not even when I was pregnant did I gain that much weight that fast. I've started to wonder if I have some kind of freaky tumor or something. In fact, sadly enough, since I'm the most active and in the "best shape" of my life, it makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever, that I am now at my very heaviest without being pregnant. Ever. The only time I've ever been this big is directly after giving birth. And the weight just melted away.

What is the deal?!!

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So, I had something of an epiphany this week. I realize, first of all, that DUH!! You can't keep eating 5000 calories a day, like your training for an ultra marathon, while not training for anything, and expect to lose weight. Secondly, I was looking at some of my friends, and ladies at the gym, and thinking how are they so skinny? This is crap! I exercise HARD freakin' 6 days a week. Why are they skinnier than me?!! That's when it hit me. They probably don't eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, chocolate cake for lunch, and a banana split for dinner, all of which washed down with 44 oz. of Cherry coke.

So, for the last few days I've started counting calories. For the first time in my life. I was always blessed with a fast metabolism, so I've never really watched what I ate before. Welcome to my 30's. I read an article in Runner's world about runners trying to lose weight. It gave me a few formulas to figure out how many calories I should eat, and what time of day I should have my carbs, and protein, etc. I've been trying, and it's been really eye opening for me.

My goal to get at least get rid of 5 pounds before our Florida trip in 2 weeks. Then get rid of the rest (and then some) before our Hawaii trip in March.

Ok, I'm done ranting now. Sorry 'bout that.

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Another epiphany I had this week was regarding my mental health. First, I was to thank everyone who comment on my little Depression post after Christmas. Thanks for all your thoughts, and advice. There were many people who were big advocates of me going back on my pills. I haven't taken them for about 4-5 months now. And I was looking back, thinking about the darkest times in the last year. The times when I just wanted it all to end, and stop existing. It sounds weird to say that now, because I'm in a good place at the moment, but I do remember feeling that way. And it dawned on me that those moments happened while on the meds. I think the suicidal thoughts were an actual side effect of the drug I was on. So, if and when I do decide that maybe I'll need to take something, I'll probably talk to my doc about taking something else.

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I also paid attention to the timing of my last "crazy episode" after Christmas. I'm sure it had something to do with post holiday blues. I thought back to the last time I was feeling down, and it occurred to me that maybe these episodes were actually just PMS. Really, really, really severe PMS. So, I'm going to be paying attention this month. Unfortunately for me, that last week of the month, my hubby will be out of town on a trip I wish I could go on with him, so I hope I don't get too crazy. On the bright side, though, while he is gone, my baby sister, who is preggers with twins, is coming for a visit from out of state, and we're throwing her a baby shower.
I'm excited to see her giant belly!

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I got the lab results back yesterday from the doctor about my knee zit. I tested positive for staph infection. I don't know how in the world I got staph. C asked me if I peed on myself? What? What kind of weird question is that? But I started thinking, I first noticed it about the time of the Ragnar relay back in June. We were in a car with a bunch of stinky, sweaty people for 36 hours. Maybe it came from there, I don't know.
But, don't worry, I'm on really strong antibiotics!

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Here's my playlist for the day. Enjoy! And Happy weekend!

1. King for a Day - Thompson Twins
2. Chiquitita - ABBA
3. The Name of the Game - ABBA
4. I Miss You - Miley Cyrus
5. Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
6. Candy Everybody Wants - 10,000 Maniacs
7. Constellations - Jack Johnson
8. Sorry - Daughtry
9. Thank You for the Music - ABBA (sorry, ABBA gets played alot around here)
10. Dreaming with a Broken Heart - John Mayer

Bonus: Love is Here to Stay - Harry "Sweets" Edison

13 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Good luck this weekend, Sher!!

Tink said...

Have fun running this weekend! And it is totally possible to be in the best shape ever but weigh the most--maybe it might have to do with muscles? I don't know. Happy Friday to you!

Annette Lyon said...

That's some pretty intense randomness. Wow. I think it's awesome that you're tracking your emotions and your eating and figuring it all out. Awareness is huge. (Says me, who's weight ballooned last year too . . . stupid 30s and that whole metabolism shift.)

Peggy said...

Oh, just shut up already! There is no way in you know where that you need to worry about your weight or start counting calories! Seriously, Sher. You are skinnier than I could possibly hope to be and once you start running again you know it will all just melt off. So, yeah. Just enjoy your flat stomach and quit whining about it! (I hope you know that I am just jealous of how in shape you are. We went swimming the other night and I could only do 4 laps, with rests in between, before I felt like throwing up). :)

debilyn said...

Sometimes, the RANDOM posts are my absolute favorites to read!

Best of Luck on the run!!

**hugs**

p.s. Dreaming With a Broken Heart~
awesome song...kinda breaks my heart, though!

Sher said...

Thanks Peggy!
Except that
a) you are infinitely skinnier than me, so you have no room to talk.
b) I DID start running again. I trained for freakin 1/2 marathon. And no, I have NOT lost ANY weight
c)I also went swimming this morning, and can only do about 1 1/2 laps before I feel like throwing up.

So THERE!

Sarah said...

I do agree with your friends that you are thin, however I understand what you are talking about with your weight. I too am thin but not comfortable with how I look. People are always telling me I am skinny. Really what it comes down to is that I dont feel healthy. I have a fast metabolism too, and yes it has slowed way down in my thirties, but that is totally normal. Once I realized that I couldnt eat the same way I did in my twenties I have felt much better, and I have been able to maintain my weight rather than gain. I havent lost what I want but sometimes just maintaining is all you can ask for.

I love reading your song list I have started my own because I thought it was such a great idea.

Good luck in the marathon, I could never do that, I admire you for putting the effort into it!

da Bergs said...

YOU ARE GOING TO HAWAII IN MARCH????? I WANT TO GO!!!!!!

Good luck this weekend!! AND, your knee zit... oh man! Glad you got that checked out!

Mina said...

I always love when skinny girls start arguing about who's the skinniest ... "You're the skinniest," "No YOU are." Oh well. ;o)

ANY way ... have a good time in St George. ANd I'm still just glad it wasn't spiders in there.

tammy said...

Wait a second....chocolate chip cookies for breakfast is a bad thing? What about oatmeal ones?

Good luck and have fun. Hope your knee clears up fast.

Peggy said...

Okay, okay. Call it even?

Good luck this weekend!

Melissa said...

Totally jealous of the run! We need to talk, I'll be emailing you at the beginning of the week after you get back and I hope you post all about it.
Love your randomness. Are you my long lost sister? Younger sister?

susette said...

Sher, I didn't comment on your depression post. I don't think I was a follower back then. Your comments here are very interesting. Recently, we have a son in counseling and the therapist told us a VERY INTERESTING fact. There have been some brand new studies done on people with anxieties and depression. There were three groups studied:
1-People on medication only
2-Medication and Exercise
3-Exercise only daily
The group that exercised only, far exceeded the other two groups in success by 62%!! What an eye opener that was for us in deciding whether or not to put him back on medication. (The meds really seem like just a mask anyway). So I thought you might be interested to know this cool info we learned this week. Good luck with your marathon. I sure wish I could do it!!