I know yesterday's post was called Thankful #11. Well, I'm senile, and thought yesterday was the 11th, and was just going by the date. You'd think I'd use my logic and think it was just two days after my daughter birthday, and by deductive reasoning figure out that it was the 10th. Or look at a calendar.
My Mom called me this morning. She read my blog, and got worried. Apparently, this here blog has been a bit of a downer lately. Sorry about that.
I have totally lost my funny bone. Why is it so stinking hard to break the habit of complaining?
Seriously, and don't hate me for saying this, but I think it just might be easier to lose weight than to be positive.
For some of you, you have a lot of weight on your shoulders, and a lot of reasons greater than mine to concern you, and yet you continually strive to see the good in things, and uplift others.
You are truly an inspiration to me.
It's a vicious cycle, I think. I get down, then think about all the reasons I shouldn't be down. I mean, I really do have a great life. I have a lot of good things going on. So, I have no right whatsoever to be depressed. Then I get more depressed, because I feel like a loser for being depressed when I'm so blessed.
I'm ready to stop that cycle once and for all. This morning, when I got out of bed, and I was about to start my day, same as usual. And I started to make my bed. Then I remembered what my sister told me yesterday. So, I stopped right then and there, knelt down and said a prayer.
It was hard. I don't know why it is incredibly difficult for me to pray for myself. I can pray for all the people in my life, but when I need help, I find myself avoiding the Lord. I think part of me is ashamed, for neglecting Him, even though I know He knows my thoughts. The crazy thing is that I had a really wonderful experience about a month ago with prayer, and it's sad how soon I forgot that I really need to come to Him everyday of my life.
And I've discovered that it's Ok, to pray for help in knowing what to pray for. Sometimes I kneel down and draw a blank, because I'm so overwhelmed I don't know how to word it. It's something I need to practice.
So, today, again, I'm thankful for Prayer. I know I used it yesterday, but since I said two things, I figure I can bend the rules a little and say it again.
I'm thankful that I can commune with God, and that I know He hears me, and answers me, even though sometimes it's hard to recognize, or it's not what we were expecting. He is there. He wants us to talk to Him.
And I know He loves me, and wants me to be Happy. So, that alone is going to get me through this day. And maybe step by step, I'll be able to pull out of this black hole, and find the light.